I am going take this opportunity and make a confession…

I'm Asian.

Whew. That was nice to get off my chest.

All right. You're probably thinking, "Well obviously you're Asian! With a quick glance to the right, I can see your squinting eyes and consonant-vowel-N-G last name!"

This is why it is so ridiculous that I, from grades seven to twelve, tried to hide my racial identity?

I need to clarify that I am in no way ashamed of being Asian. I am, however, extremely paranoid that I will be mistaken for a particular subgroup of Asians: the Azns. That's right-the Hello Kitty-loving, emoticon abusing, peace sign-flashing Azns.

This unique subgroup of Asians has a number of just downright embarrassing habits. They're notorious for abusing the most obnoxious fads when using the Internet. No plural word can end with the letter "s"-instead, they replace it with a "z" in order to give it, what I assume they think to be, a gangsta-feel. (I don't know. Maybe they're trying to get on the good side of the Wah Ching gang?)

Azns can't simply say, "I'm so mad!" They need to type, "I'm so madddd!!! x__x" Why does everything need to be followed with a redundant emoticon? It makes me feel T__T.

And when Azn girls laugh, they emit squeaky giggles while covering their mouths with their right hands. When taking pictures, they instinctively flash the peace sign, although there is more leniency around how they style it: the classic one-handed look, the excited double-hand-and-by-your-face pose, or maybe a backwards and tilted form to give it that gangsta touch. (You know, in case the z's weren't enough.)

You can probably understand my fear of being mistaken as a member of this subgroup. Can you really blame me? All I wanted was a childhood free from such embarrassment. After all, I already manage to embarrass myself on a daily basis on my own.

As a result of my paranoia, I developed an irrational fear of falling into any Asian stereotype. I even tried to whitewash myself in hopes of erasing any suspicion from my classmates.

"I'm just like one of you guys!" I proclaimed, rubbing elbows with my Caucasian peers. "My parents play golf at the country club and eat hors d'oeuvres like deviled eggs and cucumber sandwiches!" While I said this, my parents were probably singing karaoke and drinking Tsingtao beer.

Honestly, my irrational fear is wreaking havoc on my lifestyle. I feel as if I need to be extra cautious while making even the simplest decisions. While shopping, I stand in the aisles and wonder: ordinary square eraser, or handy and efficient but Azn clicking eraser? Can I wear this cute discounted Anthropologie top if it's in a kimono cut, or will I look like a wannabe-Geisha? Will these black plastic glasses frames make me seem Fresh Off the Boat?

But lately, I've found myself in a dilemma. I'm suddenly realizing that maybe I have an inner Azn inside of me, dying to get out, but I keep stuffing her back into hiding.

She comes out sporadically. Like when my friends were discussing the latest Korean drama and I found myself engrossed in the plotline, which seemed to have more twists than "Gossip Girl" and "Ugly Betty" combined.

She smiles every time someone looks at my handwriting and notices my overly rounded letters and penchant for putting hearts and smiley faces around the paper.

She very nearly successfully emerged while I was taking goofy sticker pictures with my sisters, and I realized that the entire process I previously judged as vain and outlandish was actually just plain, silly fun.

Then, last month, my inner Azn almost burst out of me when I ooh-ed and ah-ed over those adorable mechanical pencils and stationery covered with Sanrio prints. It took a great deal of force to push her back in and fight the urge to raid the entire store.

Finally, after a number of close calls, I have decided to let my inner Azn peek out of her hiding place every now and then. After all, it was hard stuffing her in there since her huge dramatic hair and collection of mangas could barely fit in the small space that I had designated for her. And now, I've embraced my Azn. No matter how hard I tried, she's always going to be a part of me.

Currently, you can most likely catch me in my dorm room eating mooncake and sipping oolong tea. Just add a set of mahjong tiles, and I have an uncanny resemblance to a Chinese granny. But I guess I'm okay with that for now. After all, Azns lyke are so kewl o_0.

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