Oppression of the Lefties

For as long as I can remember, I have been oppressed. As far back as kindergarten, when an entire classroom of children was being taught how to hold a pencil and write correctly, I sat in the corner, mocked and ridiculed because the rubber guides slipped onto the necks of the pencils were made for right-handed tots, while I, alas, used my left.

Since then, my dexterual-orientation has disadvantaged me: I have had difficulty playing sports, learning instruments, and, for the past three years and two weeks, taking notes in lecture. Left-handed desks are difficult to come by in lecture halls on campus, and even when I happen upon one that, fortuitously, has them, these desks are almost infallibly relegated to the back. I have to sit awkwardly twisted and hunched over, my entire body turned to my right side just to write notes in a language that naturally favors right-handed people on notebooks designed for righties.

I wonder if I could make a scoliosis lawsuit out of it.

But this isn't just about one man and his back problem. No, this is far greater: this is a 14th Amendment issue. While this amendment states, "No state shall ... abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property," left-handed people are, every day in their regular lives, subject to extra restrictions that make life harder. Left-handed people are even disadvantaged in the electoral process: voting machines, with the lever on the right side, are designed for right-handed people.

This has been a problem for centuries: There were cases of infanticide in ancient Greece and Rome over left-handedism. Many European cultures used to-and many Asian cultures still do-try to "retrain" left-leaning youths by forcing them to use their right hands to write and eat. Catholics have to hold the Rosary with their right hand; Hindus take prasad, or blessed food, with their right hand. But there is no basis for the belief that the right hand is more pure than the left.

I happen to think the left hand is actually more auspicious. In fact, I think left-handedism is a miraculous event and a divine gift. The medical community agrees: Dr. Stanley Coren, author of The Left-Hander Syndrome, states that complications during pregnancy and birth may be the source of left-handedness.

There you have it: Left-handed people are those who, perhaps through divine intervention, survived trauma at their most fragile hour and are marked by their dexterity.

Some of the brightest minds in the world have been left-handed. Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Leonardo da Vinci, Mark Twain, Oprah Winfrey, Jay Leno, Jimi Hendrix and former President Clinton-all left-handed.

While society hails and reveres these legends, left-handed discrimination in everyday life is unending. Left-handed soldiers and police officers are at a disadvantage because firearms are designed for oppositely oriented individuals. Scissors and measuring cups are engineered for right-handed people. Golf clubs favor right-handers, as do guitars. Computer mice and keyboards support the right-handed lifestyle. And perhaps most insulting of all, the chained pens in banks and grocery stores are always on the right-hand side, making it difficult to write out a deposit slip or sign a receipt.

Thus, we return to the most common type of lefty discrimination: writing. My time here at Berkeley has been marred by chronic back pain. Other universities have been equally slow to acknowledge the promise that differently-dexterous people offer. Michigan, Virginia, Harvard and Stanfurd, among others, are lacking in their left-handed-conscious facilities.

I challenge the campus community at UC Berkeley to lead the path and get behind the left-handed population to fight for their rights. Here, at the heart of the Free Speech Movement, we can start a new revolution in civil rights equality and demand equal accommodations across the lines of dexterity. In doing so, we can improve Berkeley's reputation as an academic center of excellence, one that offers greater amenities to the left-handed students bound for great things, and to me.

Let us guarantee for ourselves and for our children a world that allows lefties to contribute fully and without restriction to society; let us guarantee a world that is free of left-handed oppression.

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