A Poor Bear's Guide to S.F.

It's the second week of finals, and in last-ditch attempts to cram as much knowledge into our minds as humanly possible, most of us have made the transformation into reclusive mole-people whose blood contains more caffeine than the entire country of Turkey. In these final days of the semester, it seems like the world hinges on whether we know the difference between the radius and the ulna, sine and cosine, transcendental deduction and cogito, but that doesn't mean we can forget to temper the crusade for good grades with a moderate degree of relaxation and fun.

UC Berkeley is nestled in the hills surrounding the place where I was born, raised and scared-the-shit-out-of by the last living Bush Man on the West Coast: San Francisco. If you want to get away from studying for a while, take a couple hours and do a little exploring in the city-I guarantee it will get your mind off grades and elicit a few good laughs.

The following is a sacred list of S.F. activities that only a native could recommend. It comes with only one disclaimer. While in San Francisco, you may refer to it as "S.F." or "The City," but call it "Frisco" and you will be struck down by 5,000 electricity-conducting rainbow parasols.

The Best Mexican Food on the Planet: One would think that this is located somewhere in Mexico. The joke's on you! In San Francisco, there is a magical place called Ocean Taqueria where the atmosphere is so authentic that my atheist friend gets nosebleeds every time she walks in. The icon-laden, mural-adorned walls are as colorful as the huge burritos and almost nothing on the menu costs more than $6. There are several of these taquerias in S.F., but the best is located on 1941 Ocean Ave.

The Best Place to Take Your Boyfriend if You Want to Seem Cool: The Hooters Restaurant on Fisherman's Wharf is right in the bustle of several fun, freaky tourist attractions, so chances are slim you'll even make it there with all the distractions in the area. But if you want to seem really chill, make a big deal about eating there. Little does he know, the staff at this Hooters location are so anti-climactically equipped that my guy friends affectionately call it "Mini Hoots." Since it's finals week, try dropping the line, "Hey babe, you said you wanted A's, and now you got ‘em."

Best Place to Romance a Girl: A little further up along Fisherman's Wharf, you'll find San Francisco's charming Ghirardelli Square and Aquatic Park. Walk past both of these and up a small hillside and you're on a small cliff overlooking the entire marina, Alcatraz, Angel Island and Sausalito. In the early evening when the sun is setting this secluded area has been known to set sparks flying. When the night takes over, lead your date back to the upstairs cafe in Ghirardelli Chocolaterie and share a huge bowl of frothy hot cocoa in one of the dimly lit corner booths.

The Best People-Watching Location: OK now, this takes a bit more preparation than the rest. Put on your best suit or dress and hop on BART to the Embarcadero station. Right outside the BART exit you'll find a gargantuan Hyatt Regency Hotel. Keep your chin high and march right in, nodding to the doorman. Upstairs in the dining and bar area there are rows of comfortable couches and chairs where you can sit and watch people meet each other for dinner. According to my estimates, 76 percent of S.F. extramarital affairs happen here, so keep your eyes open for disgruntled spouses and projectile martini glasses.

The Best Block in the Mission: Don't be fooled by the rocks that they got, but do take in the sights and sounds of San Francisco's Mission District right around the 16th Street BART stop. One block up on 16th you'll find two amazing quasi-upscale restaurants: Picaro,which serves Spanish tapas and Ti-Couz, which serves crepes in the tradition of Brittany, France. Just a block in the opposite direction is the FatChanceBellyDance studio, several mom-and-pop bookstores and fresh produce stores aplenty.

Take it from a San Francisco native, there are things in life that are much more gratifying than a perfect score on a final. Strike out and take advantage of your surroundings. That's the only way you'll become a well-rounded golden bear. And just remember: What happens in San Francisco stays in some tourist's photo album on the other side of the globe.

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