Sex on Tuesday
Part Two of the Oral Exam

Last week was dedicated to blow jobs. This week will be all about the ladies. Oral sex with a girl seems to be one of the most taboo sexual activities. If you haven’t noticed, rarely do we see scenes in movies of a girl getting eaten out, except in porn). There are plenty of sex and blow job scenes, but seriously, have any of us seen even one movie with an explicit muff diving scene?

The truth is, the ladies definitely receive oral sex much less than the guys get blown. A generous head-giver spilled, “For every blow job I have given, I think I've only received back maybe 50 percent of the time, and I think this is pretty standard across the board.”

Let’s dispel some misconceptions about performing oral sex on a female partner. First, I’d like to know who came up with the “trace the alphabet on the clit” drill. Too many guys seem to know about this “trick” and girls wish they didn’t. It just doesn’t do much. I guess it was advised long ago to those who had no idea where to begin. What they should've told them is much simpler than tracing the alphabet—steadily flick or swirl on the clit. Girls need that constant motion to really enjoy it and come. Although mixing it up is appreciated, changing every other lick is a little much.

Speaking of variety, try experimenting with various positions. Oral sex does not always mean a woman lying on her back with the guy crouching at the foot of the bed with his head between her legs. Try getting on all fours on a bed with the giver below you; this sets you up for a great visual too, or the good ol’ 69.

Intense licking is another problem area. Although licking is a good thing, slobbering to the point when you’re just dripping all over your face is not a turn-on. Sometimes intense licking and slobbering is accompanied by panting. At that point, you are only mimicking a drooling Saint Bernard, and that’s just not gonna do it for the girls, much as we love dogs.

Oral sex isn’t all about tongue on clit. Girls like the entire mouth being put to work. This means using your lips to gently suck on the clit, gentle being the key word here! None of that hickey-giving crap.

Another thing girls welcome is hand involvement. It really doesn’t matter if you’re a male or female, our genitals are made up of the same tissues and erogenous zones, so what feels good on you will please the opposite sex too. Fingering the vagina or inserting a finger in the anus makes for mind-blowing oral sex. But with the ass, start out slow by rubbing the entrance and wait for her reaction. No one appreciates an unexpected entrance through the back door.

To sum it all up, remember to slowly approach the clit. Slowly kiss her pubic region, tease her tenderly with your fingers, watch her clitoris engorge with blood—it will peek out for you. To make sure we all know where the clit is—the clitoris is a little button-like organ tucked under the folds of skin where the top of the labia meet. When aroused, it becomes bigger and easier to detect.

So, now that everyone knows where the clit is, remember that this is your target spot. Most women orgasm from stimulation to this spot. You want to keep your tongue relaxed, but stiff enough to stimulate a targeted area. Start out gentle and lick increasingly harder and faster. And as the receiver, girls should give clues as to what they like or how something feels— constant updates are a must!

When a girl is giving you feedback like, “don’t stop, keep doing that,” she’s not kidding. You really should keep doing exactly what you are doing. Girls often complain about their partners stopping too abruptly. If she’s not vocalizing her feelings, see if she starts raising her pelvis up or closing her legs a little—she is close, don’t give up. Lastly, the clit, post-orgasm, is super sensitive to a point where it doesn’t want to be touched, so sit back, relax and let her praise you on your good work.

I recently heard from my sexual health education program advisor that there was a study on heterosexual relationships that showed the amount of oral sex that the woman receives is correlated with the level of equality in the relationship. I totally believe this. What do you think?

Tell Akiko what you want to hear about next at sex@dailycal.org.

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