Sex on Tuesdays
Itchin’ With the Friction

Christine, let’s talk about friction. Pretty much, my roommate and I are getting at the idea that all men seem to think that longer duration is better, and we beg to differ. In many cases, there’s the issue of just ... running out of juice. We’re not trying to say that (every once in a while) a good long night of sex isn’t the perfect thing, but when you’re obviously done and the guy is so proud that he’s still going ... perhaps he’s got the wrong idea.

One of my roommates also wonders if it is normal to be almost completely dry after you orgasm.”

—Seven Years in Da Bed

Seven Years: I agree—too many sessions of marathon sex can get rather itchy. But it sounds like your partner doesn’t know this.

Friction in sex is a must. Rubbing those special parts brings us to orgasm, and lubrication (whether bottled or all-natural) is key to smoothing out the process. Women vary in their degree of wetness, and some just don’t produce that much self-lubrication. Hence, lubrication is the greatest sexual aid aside from condoms, the pill, vibrators … OK, let me rephrase that: It is one of the greatest sexual aids ever invented. Lube, however, only goes so far.

You need to tell your partner when enough is enough, and yes, I know that communication in bed can get awkward, especially with a guy who’s just a one-night stand. If you’re beyond done, the well has run dry and he’s still plowing through, you can offer to finish him off. Most guys won’t balk at the prospect of a blow job. Or, if you know your partner has a history going on and on and on, talk to him upfront. Say that you’d really love it if you two could come together and that you’ll tell him when you’re rounding the bend of your climax so he can come along too.

Sometimes it’s not his pride that keeps him up like the Energizer Bunny. Some guys have a difficult time orgasming and have to keep at it for an hour or more just to reach their peaks. In this case, be sympathetic and try to accompany both your needs in your sex. Oral sex does work wonders, as does anal sex if he wants a tighter fit. Cock rings and vibration may also add the sensory experience he’s missing from regular penetration.

Ironically, more lubrication can help him finish. If you’re low on juice midway through (or you know you don’t get that wet), add some lube when you’re having sex. Most condoms are already pre-lubed, but they don’t have enough to push you through a dry start. Find a lube that works for you.

Lubricants fit in one of three categories: water-based, oil-based and silicone. Oil-based lubricants, though long-lasting, destroy the latex in diaphragms and condoms. In general, you should opt for water-based or silicone lubes. Water-based lubes comprise the majority of options you’ll encounter, and for good reason—they’re incredibly compatible with almost all material. These lubes, however, do tend to dry out and get tacky. If that happens, just add water. Silicone lubes are the newest addition to the bunch. They last the longest out of all three kinds and can even last through shower sex and water play. The only downside? They don’t work with silicone toys, and the lube is harder to clean off.

One more thing to consider: Look at the ingredients listed on the lube bottle. Many lubes (such as the popular standards Astroglide and KY) have glycerin, a sugar compound that may irritate women prone to yeast infections. If you feel lost, Good Vibrations has a wonderfully knowledgeable staff and an even greater selection of lubes.

If dryness is a perpetual issue, check your medication. Some meds, like antihistamines and antidepressants, will affect your level of wetness. Talk to your doctor if you’re concerned.

Also, if you need a support group or just some other ladies to talk to, subscribe to the VaginaPagina community on LiveJournal at

http://vaginapagina.livejournal.com. The community claims over 17,000 members, so I’m sure some cunt lovin’ femme can relate to the woes of a finicky vagina.

Guys, speak up! Send your queries to sex@dailycal.org.

Tags: