Outed!

There’s always an uproar when a public figure comes out of the closet—allies greet the news with thunderous applause, disappointed fans lament their gender and homophobes find something new to boycott. But past responses pale in comparison to the chaos that erupted this weekend.

“I have always thought of Dumbledore as gay,” “Harry Potter” scribe J.K. Rowling said in an appearance at Carnegie Hall. “Recently I was in a script read-through for the sixth film, and they had Dumbledore saying a line to Harry early in the script, saying, ‘I knew a girl once, whose hair …’ I had to write a little note in the margin and slide it along to the scriptwriter, ‘Dumbledore’s gay!’”

And just like that, Rowling gave the middle finger to the religious right. All those parents so concerned over the negative influence of the “Harry Potter” series now have something else to fear. On the surface, it’s a tremendous step forward for queer rights and gay representation. But examined more closely, Rowling’s revelation is far from risky—it’s a classic example of too little, too late.

Following a lengthy ovation, Rowling told her audience, “If I’d known it would make you so happy, I would have announced it years ago!” Really now. I believe that about as much as I believed Snape was evil. Which is to say, not at all.

If Dumbledore had been openly gay since Book One, the series would never have found its unprecedented success. Despite what we would like to believe, not all of America is as forward thinking as Berkeley. Maybe Rowling has always conceived of Dumbledore as gay—I can’t prove otherwise—but it’s awfully convenient that she waited till now to tell us. The series has been over for months and Rowling has been a billionaire for considerably longer than that. At this point, what’s the worst that can happen?

No matter how angry homophobic parents must feel, indignant that they unwittingly exposed their children to the direst of sins, there’s not a whole lot they can do. Boycotts, letters, even book burnings aren’t going to touch Rowling’s empire now. Sure, there will be plenty of sound and fury, but at the end of the day, “Harry Potter” is still going to be the most popular book series of all time.

The real question is, why Dumbledore? If Rowling had exposed Harry and Ron as lovers or explained that the root of Draco Malfoy’s animosity is his repressed homosexual desire, the outrage would have been epic. Not to mention the implosion of the Internet, the likely result of countless fanfiction writers discovering they were right all along.

But however shocking the news may seem, Dumbledore is the safe choice. For much of the series he’s old—in the last book, he’s dead. So even if he is gay, he’s not getting any. And he’s not marching in any pride parades either. If Rowling always envisioned him thus, she’s done an excellent job hiding it: Dumbledore’s sexuality is utterly absent from the series.

And that’s fine. At the end of the day, these are kids’ books. I don’t need to see Dumbledore hanging out in the Castro any more than I need to know that Professor McGonagall is into leather. If I’m really interested, I’ll check out the aforementioned fanfic. Trust me, it’s all there.

But because Rowling kept the sexuality hidden—in terms of Dumbledore, it’s not even really subtextual—she’s managed to make history without actually doing anything. As an author, she’s unique in the way she continues to add to her story after the fact. But that’s just it. Saying it now doesn’t change the way it was written. Dumbledore is gay, not because he sleeps with men, but because the author says so, and we have to take her word for it.

As a gay “Harry Potter” fan, I won’t deny that it’s nice to have Dumbledore, one of the most kick-ass wizards ever, on our team. I just wish it felt more like a real coming out, courageous and satisfying, and less like a PR stunt.

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