The Hair Down There

Q: My boyfriend has always wanted me to shave my hairs "down there" to be more like the girls in Playboy and such. I haven't seen him in a while and he is going to visit next weekend so I thought I would treat him to his wants. Could you tell me how they do that? It just seems scary to use a razor! There must be some other way.

A: It does seem odd that almost all of the women in mainstream porn have little or no pubic hair, doesn't it? Even more baffling to me is the absence of hair on the labia (lips) of the vulva and the presence of that little vertical strip of hair on the mons that you see sometimes, like a little roadway that's saying, "Down here!"

But to answer your question, let's start with the "how," then we can explore a little bit of the "why." There are a number of traditional ways to remove hair, including shaving, waxing, using chemicals and electrolysis. While they all remove hair, some of them are not appropriate for use on the genital area.

Hot wax removal could cause pain in the delicate area of the vulva (it causes pain when being pulled off of even not-so-sensitive parts) and chemical depilatories could work their way into the vagina, which doesn't sound healthy to me in the least bit. Electrolysis is more permanent hair removal, but involves delivering an electric pulse to each hair follicle individually. It can be expensive and take a very long time and several sessions to accomplish the desired results.

So that pretty much leaves shaving, doesn't it? You may want to try simply trimming your pubic hairs with scissors or electric clippers. Depending on why your partner wants you to shave your pubic hair, this may be a good middle ground. If you do want to shave, the following is a synopsis of shaving tips I found at www.sexuality.org/l/fetish/shaving.html.

First, trim the pubic hair with scissors or clippers. This will prevent long hairs from getting caught in your razor. Then, take a long, warm bath or shower to make the skin more pliable, and apply shaving cream or gel to soften the hairs. To shave, use a new razor or one with a very sharp blade. If you're shaving a large area, you may want to use two razors. Also consider getting a razor that has guards (metal wires that cross the razor perpendicularly to prevent the blade from digging into your skin). Shave in the direction of hair growth, then in the opposite direction for a smooth shave.

To facilitate the shaving process, consider using a mirror to see what you're doing. This will be easier if you have a reasonably sized space in which to work. If you're trying to do this in a dorm-sized shower, I wish you luck. Depending on the contours of your vulva - every woman's flower is different - you may have to pull back your labia to reach all the hairs on the vulva. The key here is to have patience, especially your first time out.

vIf you feel comfortable having someone else shave you, it may be easier than doing it yourself. Your partner may enjoy doing it for you, so maybe you can discuss it with him.

Some important considerations are in order here. To start, when the hair grows back, your pubic area will probably be itchy or uncomfortable for the first few days. Not wearing underwear or wearing loose clothing can ease the discomfort. Also, if you don't bathe regularly, dirt, sweat and oil can build up in the pubic area.

This combined with hair growth can cause zits, or sebaceous oil cysts, which can be bothersome and a real scare if you're worried about contracting a sexually transmitted disease.

If your male partner is performing oral sex on you and shaves his face regularly, you may have to deal with what I call "stubble burn." Your genitals will be much more sensitive after shaving, so you may have to coordinate your shaving together to prevent discomfort for either one of you.

That does it for the how. Now you should think about why it is that you want to shave your pubic hair. If it's something that you've been wanting to do, great. If you're indifferent about it and you want to treat your partner, fine. If you don't really want to do it, but you are going to because your partner asked you to, I urge you to think about it more before you commit.

In addition, you mentioned that your partner wanted you to shave so that you'd be more like a Playboy model. Are you comfortable with your partner's wanting you to look/act more like a nude model? Is it a realistic expectation, or are you setting yourself up for disappointment? Either way, despite the fact that your question was an uncomplicated one, it's a good idea to think about why you might shave and if you're okay with that.

Why does your partner want you do it? You'll have to ask him. I don't totally buy the argument that people who like shaved crotches are living out pedophilic tendencies. A shaved crotch can heighten sensation for the shaved one. Additionally, it's easier with someone who is shaved to see the genitals darken and engorge with blood during sexual arousal, which can be a real turn-on for a shaved person's sexual partner.

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