Already light with cheap beer, I was entitled to one free drink (albeit with an $8 cover charge) at Starry Plough as one of that night’s randomly chosen poetry slam judges. Every week, the unsuspecting Irish pub hosts the Berkeley Poetry Slam group, composed of local individuals drunk with the Read More…
Every time I go out on a date with someone, I want to skip past the awkward small talk getting-to-know-you phase, and just break out a survey. It would cover the basics of “What are you looking for right now: Casual sex? Commitment?” But it would also cover the things Read More…
With my roommate gone for the past three days, I spent each night alone in my apartment, watching a documentary on suicide called “The Bridge.” Why would I do such a thing? I have no idea. The documentary focuses on the Golden Gate Bridge as the number one suicide spot Read More…
I think girls are hot. Because I think so, a classmate who I unknowingly led in the wrong direction suggested that I might be sexually confused, or “trapped in the closet.” Walking through campus on a sunny day celebrated by short skirts and ethereal blouses, my obnoxiously masculine utterances are Read More…
The first time someone asked me if I had orgasmed, my response was “I … don’t know.” This was not the answer that he was looking for, and a period of stroking the man-ego commenced. I found that response to my uncertainty about orgasm far more annoying than the lack Read More…
If it were up to me, school would be optional centers of joyous learning where tears of happiness are spilt over intellectual conversations, stimulating reading and a lot of hugs. Very little is up to me, sadly. Instead, school has become, for many students including myself, a rectangular plot of Read More…
Get on the fucking sidewalk,” I heard as I made a wide right turn past a house party near Willard Park. Though I failed to follow the bro’s solid advice, he cheered me on as he yelled, “Fixies for life!” twice as if I didn’t hear him the first time. Read More…
While the sentiment of “I’ve never measured my cock, I figure I couldn’t do anything about it anyway” is certainly better than an unreasonable obsession with size, I am more of a fan of know what you’ve got, and work it. Penis size matters, but probably not in the way Read More…
I’ve never been fond of conflict. I mean, who is, right? Nobody likes conflict; it’s faux pas to desire anything other than peace. And as “Miss Congeniality” dictates, “world peace” is a required goal for all members of society. But while nobody enjoys an atmosphere of discord, I always took Read More…
Glancing at my ticket, the train conductor dubbed me “Miss Berkeley” for the remaining 1.5 hours on the Amtrak. “I thought you kids were out for the summer,” he told me as he stamped my ticket set on top of my library book. “Yeah, well I was out too much Read More…
