Two sperm walk into a bar

So, these two sperm walk into a bar. I know what you’re thinking, “How could two sperm walk into a bar? They’re way too young!” But, it was midweek and, you know, with the economy how it is, things can happen. Sperm 1: I’m really glad we’re seeing each other
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Adventuring aimlessly in Chicago

I find myself in the trees zooming by. I find myself in the skyline rising in the distance and the cars oscillating back and forth, and I find myself in each highway sign post marking the exits to unfamiliar towns. On planes, I spend entire flights memorizing the architecture of
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Amychophilia i

Art: Amychophilia

A lot of my work is based off of obsessions, fetishes, addictions and comedy. This series, Amychophilia, is an extension of other intaglio prints I’m currently working on, all of which are focused around fetishes. To do these monoprints I printed a completely black aquatint and then scratched the surface with my
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Easter vs. 4/20

Venn Diagram: Easter vs 4/20

With Easter and 4/20 falling on the same day this year, things can certainly get a bit hazy. So, we offer up this convenient little Venn diagram in the hope that it will help you distinguish between the two.   Curan Mehra is the editor of the Weekender. Contact him at
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As a teenager, night after night, I climbed out of my window on the second story, crawled across the roof and then dropped down into the yard, where my family’s German Shepherd, Schultzy, slept. I tried not to rile up too many dogs as I crept through my neighborhood to
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Plenty of fish in the sea

A few weeks ago, I took the girlfriend to Mexico for our anniversary. Get some sun, lie on the beach, maybe drink a little, you know. I was expecting it to be a nice time. So we’re sitting on the beach, sipping on some margaritas, things going great. Then she
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The Cantankerous Campanile

A poem

I am the phallic tower reigning o’er the land I am the focal point of the campus tour you’ve planned I’m the symbol up which you’ve all ascended All look up to me, no pun intended All here in Berkeley know well my name But o, the pain that comes
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Alcoholic Escapades

He’s blind drunk before last call. They cut him off, and he knows it’s best to leave at this point. It’s too late to catch BART. Home is on the other side of the black water. Lights of Oakland visible through the fog. Tries to light a cigarette and misses
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Too Late

Jeff Wolff’s eyes glazed over and melted into the uniform whiteness of the waiting room ceiling. The old analog clock tick-tick-ticked on the blank beige walls. That doctor is as good as dead, he thought.
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