Christopher Coulter Columnist

They came for frozen treasure

Hello, beautiful Berkeley. Because of the swell of interest in my recent column promoting the bulk dispersal of our overachieving genes, I thought it would be a good idea to help get the balls rolling, as they say. I initiated the process and have done some of the work (but
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Christopher Coulter Columnist

The Berkeley family jewels

Anyone who has read much of this column is no stranger to the constructive personal mantras I try to promote each week, including so far, self realization, personal enlightenment and, of course, beauty tips. But today I want to expand from a personal focus to include our whole community —
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Who didn’t start the riot

I managed to track down León Ritz-Barr, who has been occupying Oakland for the last couple of weeks. At least that is what he claims — I was unsure because he does not appear to be a delinquent, homeless anarchist — the type I have been led to believe the movement is
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Christopher Coulter Columnist

Cuckoo birds can fly?

Satire

Believe it or not, despite our economy’s generally decrepit health, some business sectors are doing well. Gold mining is thriving, and of course the banking and financial sector remains strong. Big banks have performed especially well, raking in record profits since the TARP intervention in 2008. And that is pleasing,
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Christopher Coulter Columnist

Cashing in on free speech

Americans have a lot to be proud of as we forge ahead in the 21st century. We owe it to ourselves to try to ignore the economy and our future job prospects for a moment and appreciate some of the good that has been nurtured here: our stunning national parks,
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Christopher Coulter Columnist

The correct treatment

The problem with drug abuse in the United States has not gone away. And the rampant use of drugs here has left Mexican border towns resembling a veritable blood bath. These are two of the reasons why it is easy to point out how big of a failure our national
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The many faces of Lane Kiffin.

A day in the life of Lane Kiffin

DISCLAIMER!!! This story is purely a work of fiction and satire. 8:03 a.m. Lane Kiffin, the USC football team’s 36-year-old head coach, wakes up early after a long night of work and goes for a jog with his dog. After charging two miles uphill, he yells at the lagging canine
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Christopher Coulter Columnist

Bending sacred bonds

Insurance companies agree: The most stabilizing forces in our society are the bonds of marriage. When two people find the passion to commit to one another, the urge to perpetrate moving violations suddenly goes out the window — along with any lingering family suspicion of residence in the closet. But
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Christopher Coulter Columnist

An occupational hazard

The pesky disturbance to South Manhattan’s normally robust power lunch crowd, known as “Occupy Wall Street,” could be bad for business. If the menacing protests keep up, we could see productivity drop and profits fall. And not just for greedy waitresses and restaurateurs. Sure, escaping back home to the Upper East
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Christopher Coulter Columnist

Berkeley College Republicans’ Yellowcake

I noticed Berkeley College Republicans’ recent attempt at a satirical “Increase Diversity Bake Sale” kind of blew up in their collective face. If the goal was to merely create attention for their cause, then bravo, but the decision to create a “satire” challenging SB 185, which seeks to make affirmative
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