danielle-gutierrez_online2

The divine comedy

Ladies and gentlemen, I’m an atheist. I’m a total cliché of what the media makes the typical (moderately) liberal youngster out to be. My Sunday rituals consist of watching new episodes of “The Simpsons” and catching up on the previous week’s “Conan.” No church or bedtime prayers for me. I’ve
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masturbation.COURTESY

A penetrative history of spanking the monkey

Taming the trouser snake, frosting the pie, unlocking the chamber of secrets, battling the purple-headed yogurt slinger — we all know what these phrases really mean. It’s been around since human beings first realized hands could be useful for something other than high-fiving and biting one’s thumb in insult.
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