They came to me in the middle of the night. They were young and beautiful and dressed up like they were about to go out. I had about an hour’s warning, and their knock on the door was light so as to wake no one who wasn’t already up. When they got to my doorstep, I was ready. I knew it would be hasty and impromptu, but there’s no reason even a simple wedding can’t be beautiful.

We shared grapes and wine, and I told them that what begins as new and perfect fruit can end up a rich, fermented, much-changed substance that the vine might not recognize. They tasted both and said their vows, and we signed the paperwork. With a little help from their friends, they were married.

In the state of California, any recognized member of the church clergy can marry individuals to one another if the couple has a license. Over the years, I’ve married a handful of couples in the woods and in my living room. I’ve seen the state and the nation struggle over the definition of marriage, and I’ve seen it take many forms. I’ve heard the academic and feminist arguments that marriage was, for many centuries, a primarily economic arrangement to secure the merging and inheritance of property. Much about marriage has changed, but for the very rich and the very poor, the economic part remains the same.

The rich have assets to protect. They draw up contracts and agreements to ensure no one is seduced into a holy and blissful union by a heartless and calculating gold digger.

The poor have other arrangements to make. We are more likely to cohabitate to save money, whether it is appropriate for the relationship or not. In my life, I have known men and women who choose to stay with partners who are abusive or merely unsuited because breaking up means giving up a place to call home.

My friends who were married that night in my living room loved one another and probably would have chosen to marry at some point. The reason they came to me with so little notice, however, was not a pregnancy or a shotgun or even a romantic whim. It was the deadline for FAFSA submissions for the following academic year. Too young to be considered independent from their parents, they were desperate for enough financial aid to transfer to a four-year university. They were the children of vanishing middle class. On paper, their folks could afford to contribute to their tuition, but real life is complicated with gambling addictions and jobs that don’t offer health care.

It wasn’t young love. It wasn’t an impetuous gesture or an adherence to belief. It was a financial decision. Like many decisions forced upon us by poverty, it was a decision that puts the future in jeopardy — no money down, crippling credit terms down the road. The FAFSA considers married students independent and places a student in a wholly separate category for aid. Choosing to marry now to qualify for aid may result in a possibly messy and potentially expensive divorce later, but in the moment, we do what we must. In the meantime, we give one another the gift of an education otherwise out of reach.

Tuition has outpaced the cost of living, outpaced inflation and shows no sign of slowing. People all over are taking drastic measures to afford school, and at the University of California, we are no different. A recent discussion on the cost of housing led some of my classmates to speculate on the appearance of quad dorms with four bunks to a room and the feasibility of (not kidding) camping on the Glade and writing a blog called The Great Outdorms. The idea of getting married for mercenary causes may rankle the romantic soul, but in the scheme of desperation, it seems almost a tame solution.

In my tradition, couples being wed grasp hands and are gently tied together to symbolize their bond. When this couple was tied, I told them to remember that it’s only one hand they’ve given and that the other remains free. True of their marriage, this also became a symbol of their shared commitment to helping one another get through school, support one another’s dreams and be good partners; they were not entirely bound, but they were also not entirely free.

Marriage was never pure. It is sometimes undertaken in the spirit of perfect altruism and true love, but my friends’ practical decision was perfectly in line with the long and fraught history of this evolving institution. They might have given up, waited a few years or taken on crushing loans to move forward with their education. A license to marry costs $97 and takes effect the moment both people say “I do.” They’re responsible to one another and for one another, and they take that seriously. This year, they’ll both graduate from a UC school with their respective bachelor’s degrees.

I now pronounce you educated to the minimum degree necessary to get a decent job.

Meg Elison writes the Monday column on financial issues affecting UC Berkeley students.Contact Meg Elison at melison@dailycal.org.

The post For richer or for poorer appeared first on The Daily Californian.

There’s no denying that we all have our guilty pleasures. For some, it’s spending $4.50 on caffeinated beverage at Starbucks, but for us, it’s the TV shows we watch in our few precious moments of free time as college students. These first weeks of summer are providing us at the Clog with the perfect amount of time to do absolutely nothing and indulge fully in our absolute guiltiest of pleasures: season nine of “The Bachelorette.” While many first-time viewers of the reality dating show may be dazed by the blatant shallowness and apparent absurdity of the plot (and trust us, we’re not disagreeing with you there), we’ve come to the realization that the numbing effect this show has on the brain is actually quite therapeutic. Although we are quite aware of how unrealistic Desiree’s life is (as depicted on the show), we picked up on several things in the second episode of season nine that can totally be applied to real life. We’re sure these five lessons are definitely applicable to the life of any Berkeley student:

1. You have to find the right balance between making an impression and being “that guy.” Dedicated “Bachelorette” viewers will remember Jeff from Ashley’s season, who wore a Batman mask on the first night of the show because he wanted to be judged only on his “true self.” Joining him on the “memorable” first impressions list this season is Diogo, who walked out of the limo in a full suit of armor. Jeff made it through his rose ceremony, but Diogo didn’t — so we’re not sure what to tell you about whether or not the “shock and awe” strategy really works when attempting to woo a lover, but our advice is to stick to something a little more relatable to make your first impression on a lady or fella.

2. Going wedding dress shopping on your first date is a little forward. Desiree’s and Brooks’ faux wedding and Hollywood sign honeymoon excursion was cute and all, but even with the romantic background music and wonders created by reality television production, it felt a little awkward. It put a lot into perspective for us: Maybe the suggestion of marriage on a first date is acceptable on a show literally based on one woman’s hunt for a husband, but in our real lives, we probably shouldn’t jump to conclusions so fast. The Clog suggests waiting until at least the third date to start choosing wedding colors.

3. When driving in your bright blue Bentley convertible, put your hair up. Or wear a hat. This one seems like a simple lesson you’d learn after watching film after film depicting long-haired women struggling to gracefully pin down their gorgeous locks amid wild winds. If you want to enjoy the ride at all, sacrifice the beauty of the down-do and opt for a bun. Or maybe a fashionable headscarf.

4. Sharing sad stories about your past gives you an instant “lovable vulnerability.” Try this game: Count every time one of the guys mentions his mother, ex-girlfriend or deceased childhood pet. Then notice how many of these guys get kicked off in the same week. We’re betting the numbers are pretty low. This is because people appreciate feeling like they’re able to share part of your past with you. If you let someone carry a little of your burden, they’re bound to feel closer to you.

5. Toned abs can get you far in life. Whether it’s Desiree’s rockin’ bod in her pool-side rap video or Zak W., who literally spent the entire first cocktail party shirtless, the correlation between a strong core and strong prospects for success has been proven time and time again. Our money’s on Drew for this season — just look at his shirtless modeling shots. Now there’s a convincing contender.

Whether you’re an avid “Bachelorette” watcher or not, we highly recommend experiencing a couple of episodes on your own. Hopefully, you’ll learn some valuable life lessons, but if not, at least you’ll have a few laughs. We suggest playing a drinking game. Try drinking every time someone says “connection” or “the right reasons.” And if you have any other “Bachelorette” pearls of wisdom, let us know in the comments!

Image source: Christina Perez under Creative Commons

Contact Sarah Branoff at sbranoff@dailycal.org.

The post What we learned from ‘The Bachelorette’ appeared first on The Daily Californian.

With Josh Fattal – the third detained hiker and a former UC Berkeley student – acting as best man, Shane Bauer and Sarah Shourd wed in a private ceremony last Saturday, said San Francisco attorney and family friend Ben Rosenfeld in a report by the Associated Press.

Rosenfeld said that about 200 people attended the “beautiful ceremony,” held at a location “chosen for its pastoral beauty,” according to the Associated Press.

Bauer, Fattal and Shourd were detained in Evin Prison in July 2009 after they were stopped by border police while hiking along the Iran-Iraq border. While in prison, Bauer proposed to Shourd with a ring he wove together using threads from his shirt, according to ABC News.

Shourd said in a lecture at UC Berkeley in June that the three were hiking in the Kurdistan province of Iraq — an area frequented by tourists — when an Iranian soldier saw them and gestured for them to step off of their hiking trail. He then pointed to the trail and said “Iraq” and pointed to the spot where they now stood and said “Iran,” indicating they had unknowingly crossed the border.

While Shourd was released on $500,000 bail in September 2010 on humanitarian grounds after finding a lump in her left breast, Bauer and Fattal were convicted of espionage and sentenced to eight years in prison.

The conviction was widely condemned by world leaders as being unnecessarily harsh.

Though they initially received five years imprisonment for espionage and three additional years for allegedly entering the country illegally, the two men were released following a pardon by Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in September 2011 after more than two years in detention.

Speaking on campus in June 2011, Shourd said, “Our plans for the future, our home where we had been living … all of our possessions and even the clothes on our backs were taken from us in one fell swoop.”

In a statement posted on Facebook, Bauer said getting engaged to Shourd while they were in captivity allowed him to dream of a future that was not only secure, but also beautiful, according to ABC News.

The newlyweds will return from their honeymoon on May 18 and will continue to live in the Bay Area, according to ABC News.

The post Two UC Berkeley alumni formerly imprisoned in Iran get married in San Francisco appeared first on The Daily Californian.