How To Recession Proof Your Life

So you've graduated. In retrospect, that was probably not a good idea. Your future lays before you, a vast and empty precipice. The economy seems to mock you, a ruined and hopeless mess.

Times are grim, but never fear. There are some jobs that tend to fly high in bad economies. You may not be a high-paid analyst, writer or researcher, but if you play your cards right (literally) you might just survive.

Here is a sampling of a few of the glamorous possibilities that await you as a graduate of the University of California, Berkeley.

You might want to call up those debt collectors and let them know some of your payments may be rolling in a bit later than expected. If they didn't see that the entire economy was a sham, how can they expect you to have actually intended to honor the loans?

-Katlyn Carter & Bryan Thomas

Blogger

With newspapers going out of business left and right, it only makes sense to jump on the opportunity to fill the void. That's right: start blogging.

Pop open a can of Diet Coke, put on some sweats and set up shop in mom and dad's basement. It's all about the citizen journalism, baby.

Never mind that no professional news outlet has yet found a way to make money off delivering information for free over the internet. You'll figure it out. You're a Berkeley grad.

Unpaid Intern

Want the quickest way into corporate America? No problem. Interns do it all-from photocopying to coffee-making and not that much in between. You get all the glamour of office life with ... none of the benefits.

There are plenty of stories about interns who have gone from homeless to rich. Well, just that one story, about our commencement speaker, the guy from Pursuit of Happyness. So even if you don't make it, you can at least watch that movie on your lunch breaks and feel successful.

Professional Poker Player

James Bond did it in Casino Royale. He made millions off a poker game, and caught some international terrorists in the process.

Sure, Bond had the British government to fund his adventures, not to mention his own rugged good looks, but you can at least try to figure out Texas Hold 'Em.

Start running in the right circles and you could turn your rags to riches in no time at all. Well, likely not, but worth a shot, eh?

Stolen UC Berkeley Student's Identity

This one's the easiest career to get into, apparently. Hell, you can have one of our identities. We hear the university sent them off to Asia somewhere.

This career choice has an added benefit-you don't even have to leave Berkeley. Maybe you'll assume a new gender or ethnicity, but this is the 21st century, so that shouldn't be too tough, particularly in the Bay Area.

If you are considering taking one of our identities, you might want to reconsider. All you'll find is unfulfilled potential and a few thousand dollars in student loan and credit card debt.

Bottle Recycler

The number one employment option in Berkeley, this career path gives both a sustained source of income and a sense that you're single-handedly saving the world from misplaced recyclables.

The real secret, if you choose to pursue this path, is Piedmont Avenue on Friday, Saturday and Sunday mornings. Before the Greek brethren begin to stir, poke around the front decks and backyards for the bottles and cans which you will soon come to see as miniature holy grails.

Of course, if everyone keeps getting those damn aluminum water bottles, this industry may be the next to succumb to the economic downturn.

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