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I can be superficial if I want to

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NOVEMBER 08, 2011

Being superficial is wrong. You shouldn’t pick your friends based on their looks (trust me, there are tons to gorgeous bitchy girls and hunky assholes around). You shouldn’t be mean to people because you don’t think they’re good looking enough to deserve your kindness. Many would also argue that you shouldn’t pick your significant others solely based on looks. We’ve all heard this rhetoric while growing up.

But what about the world of casual sex? The world where hookups are purely for physical satisfaction. What place does superficiality have there? Is it still wrong to make decisions based on physique and sexual attraction? I would like to argue that it’s not.

Earlier this semester, I went to a party and ended up in the host’s room. Needless to say, we were engaged in the standard make out session that leads to the bed, and eventually sex. So as we made out on his bed, I reached down his pants to play with it, and also to see what he was working with. Unfortunately, I was not impressed with his equipment, and in my drunken stupor communicated that to him. His response? He called me superficial and told me that size is not what’s important.

Now, don’t get me wrong: I know that was pretty rude and mean, and sober me would have never said that to his face. However, let’s look beyond my little display of bad manners and at the issue at hand. Why am I in his bedroom hooking up with him? Because newly single me, who had a disappointing “small” encounter just days prior, is horny and wants to get good sex. I’m not trying to “make an emotional connection here” — that was my rebuttal to his response.

As some of you might know, I can be a fan of “relationship sex” and what the emotional aspect of it brings to the experience. However, this is a different situation. All I want is to have good sex with a sexually attractive guy. And I have certain basic requirements. I know some of you out there are angrily thinking that it’s not about size, but about skills. True — kind of.  If I can barely (or not at all) feel it inside me, how are you going to compensate for that? Great oral? Good for you that you have those skills, but that’s not all I want right now.

Your girlfriend for whom you care deeply and who cares deeply about you will probably not even care and just appreciate what you can do for her and the great intimate and emotional connection you make in bed. But that was not me in that situation. All I wanted was satisfying sex, and I have a pretty good idea of what I like and want.

Again, I know it was rude of me to say it to his face. I’m not disputing that. But these are situations entirely based on physical attraction to begin with. After all, “you can’t fuck a personality,” as a friend of my mine once pointed out.

Contact Kia Kokalitcheva at 


NOVEMBER 08, 2011