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Self service

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DECEMBER 01, 2011


Oooohhhh — yeeahh!

Well, that was fun. And relieving. Ok, now back to reading neoliberalism’s “brief” history. I’m not sure if I’m liking it more now, but at least I’m not as distracted by my needs anymore — they’ve been temporarily relieved. Alright. So Thatcher gets elected and does what?

But of course, I’m soon again thinking about my next quickie, with myself. Why? Because it’s such a multi-purposed activity. When I’m bored, gloomy, horny, restless, procrastinating and much more, it’s a quick pick-me-up when I need it. Even if I’m not actually in need of feeling better, it’s still a nice little bonus at a random time of day.

But then I start to wonder. Which is better: this or hooking up with a guy?

On one hand, this is safe — I know I’m going to orgasm. And relatively quickly because I know exactly what gets me there — no need to suffer through all the ridiculous tongue acrobatics that a lot of guys think are a good idea. I also don’t have to deal with any type of insecurity about what he thinks of me, my body, or what I’m doing — it’s a safe space to just get sexually satisfied. And it feels so good.

But it’s also a little too predictable. There’s nothing exciting or to discover about this. I know exactly how the whole thing is going to go down and how it’s going to feel. There’s no one else to have fun with too.

So, on the other hand, sex with a guy (or whomever you prefer), does have this exciting mystery. I mean, O.K., I know what naked dudes look like, what penises look like, more or less what always happens and all that. But there’s still an element of the unknown.

But then again, it’s not as convenient. Even if you do have a sig fig or a fuck buddy or whatever, they may be busy when you need a quick fix. Or be too far from you at the point in time. Or not be in the mood. Or able to perform. Or whatever other problem arises. And even if you do get to hook up with them, it’s a whole process. It takes time (yes, I know about quickies, but those are only satisfactory in the getting-to-the-finish-line sense if the skill level is there), you have to give them and their needs attention too and so on. Sometimes, that’s just too much hassle.

So I’m guess that having both would be the ideal solution? Obvious, I know. But, there are plenty of people — girls especially — that don’t play with themselves. They are definitely missing out. And people should make having sex a priority — your right hand is nice and all, but there are limits.

Alright, now let’s finally see what happened once Maggie Thatcher got elected — unless I get distracted, again.

Contact Kia Kokalitcheva at 


DECEMBER 01, 2011