Tom Hanks Tuesday: Hunk Hanks Returns!

Warner Bros./Courtesy
Tom Hanks in "Cloud Atlas" and/or Tom Hanks in John Travolta's biopic.

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I’m away for two weeks and now, there’s a shitstorm of news! Literally, in the case of our beloved Bay Area Rapid Transit. But, I mean specifically in terms of Tom Hanks news — the second most important type of news behind human excrement-related updates. So, there’s a lot of catching up to do. Now, you may ask (or you may not because you, like many people I assume, do not care): Jessica, where have you been these past weeks? We’ve missed you. We love your blog. Nobody writes about the Hunk Hanks like you do. Calm down, petty children! I’ve been busy. And Hanks, well, he’s been busy as well. Gettin’ busy that is…with Halle Berry

I’ll explain.

The trailer for “Cloud Atlas,” a combined directing venture from both the Wachowski Brothers and Tom Tykwer, was released recently. It’s a work that definitely justifies my using of the hackneyed phrase, “sprawling epic” and when you see the trailer, you’ll know why. Based on the novel by David Mitchell (the author, not my favorite columnist from The Guardian), the story spans hundreds of years and possibly even more characters — from an 1850 South Seas voyager to a genetically-engineered “fabricant” named Somni~451 in the near future. It’s a bit of a stretch, sure. And so is the trailer at nearly 6 minutes of expansive landscapes, computer-generated dystopias and more sides of Tom Hanks than I ever thought possible. After this movie comes out, look forward to several new additions to my Hanks Hair catalogue, including the ’70s sashay and what I like to call “The Futuristic Pedophile.”

It’s something new for Hanks. That’s to be certain. We’re used to his romantic, comedic and dramatic performances (as can be seen in the latest issue of Hanks Aficionado). But, we’ve never seen science-fiction Hanks. Or, at least, not in this dimension we haven’t.