What is sex?

Sex on Blogday

Creative Commons/Courtesy

Some of you may be reading this in your dorm room in Unit 3, maybe at FSM or even across the country in Washington, D.C. Regardless of your location, we all have something in common: sex.

Sex can mean a lot of different things. It can refer to anything from intercourse to fisting or whipping, to name a few. Sex means what you want it to mean, not what I define it to mean. I can guarantee you that my definition of sex is different than yours. Read my posts with no limitations: Define sexuality in whatever terms feel right.

I have always thought of the discourse revolving around sex and sexuality to be found only in a cheesy Seventeen magazine or on websites that scream “XXX 18+” at the top. Sex was never something my family and I openly discussed. But UC Berkeley is one of the most progressive universities in the world, and we have the ability to have open and honest discussions. Why not talk about sex?

One problem regarding sex that college students constantly face is labeling. We are labeled as sluts, whores or perverts when we sleep around or maybe have differing definitions of what sex is. I do not believe in labels, and I will make it my effort to oppose limiting binaries and labeling schemes. Naturally, many of us, myself included, are promiscuous and enjoy having sex. I don’t see the poison in that (although I take a biased stance). Promiscuity does carry a negative connotation in society, but why? The function of sex is to reproduce, of course, but also to make us happy. If having sex makes you happy, assuming you are safe with your practices, then what’s the harm?

In high school, my fellow peers would always talk about virginity and who had “popped their cherry.” I never quite understood why the term virginity or the whole concept of cherries existed until I came to Cal (thanks IB 140 for teaching me about the hymen). I cannot attest to ever “popping my cherry” or “popping their cherry,” nor can I attest to “losing my virginity”, because what significance does virginity hold in a homosexual male? Of anyone who isn’t heterosexual? Society’s views of virginity, “cherries” and sex revolve around this unconsciously embedded idea of a heterosexual norm.

I couldn’t agree more with my fellow Daily Cal sex writer Elisabeth Bahadori’s well-written stance on how we as writers should not and cannot pretend to be someone we are not. I am here to provide the unspoken voice from the position of being queer. Sex is something different to me: I don’t at all relate to The Notebook or most mainstream, heteronormative romantic discourse, so I try to provide the alternative, all-inclusive dialogue of being queer.

In the end, sex is what you make it to be. Don’t be afraid to do something different in the bed, because you might even enjoy it. If you could take only one thing from my posts, I would say be yourself. We live in a never-ending change of pace where societal pressures inhibit our daily lives and acts. Times are changing, and I hope my sex blog will contribute to bringing sex out of the closet.

Image Source: twinesque via Creative Commons

Contact Matthew Kirschenbaum at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter: @mpkirschenbaum.