We spy: a ‘corny’ decoration on Sproul

Jessica Rogness/File

It’s easy to run out of room decorating ideas in college. By second semester, your favorite posters just aren’t cutting it anymore. Actually, they were random posters you got for free at movie screenings in Wheeler or advertisements on Sproul, anyway. So you don’t have very interesting decorations to begin with. And you’re limited by not being allowed to put holes in the wall. And … you’re poor.

Never fear, dear Bears. We have found a beautiful, inexpensive way to decorate the outer façade of your dorm room, apartment or house: corn! On the East side of Sproul Hall, there is a beautiful five-pointed star of corn decorating an office window. We think it can serve as inspiration for your own decorating style.

Corn is a gorgeous addition to the dead plants, scattered beer bottles and homeless folk who may currently adorn your outdoor living area. If you are going to be a true Californian, you need to embrace corn. First of all, corn is the real gold of California, and as a California Golden Bear, it is crucial that you celebrate California’s golden crop. Furthermore, after finals this May, you’re going to kick back and want a beautiful Californian summer, which is not complete without a barbecue that includes Californian-grown corn.

Showing your love for corn will also show your love for the state’s birds and squirrels. We imagine that this Sproul Hall-turned-dorm ornament will attract both feathery and furry friends. They may eat away at your décor, but that’s okay. It will probably rot anyway. And by feeding these animals, you reinforce the communal bond you have with Californian nature, even if it is only the nature of Berkeley-born, human-fed, over-bloated birds and squirrels. Hey, maybe this unique decor is just a glorified bird — and squirrel — feeder.

But, wait, you ask, what if people misinterpret my California-nature-loving decor for a demonstration of religious extremism or the occult? (This is Berkeley after all.) What if they assume I am a child of the corn … literally? I don’t want to be subjected to vandalism and hatred based on my decorations.

Well, we will leave you to weigh the costs and benefits of decorating with corn. It is up to you to decide if you love corn enough to incorporate it into your daily living.

Contact Jessica Rogness at [email protected]