10 ways to avoid Cal Day

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For all of us who shrink from the premise of human contact, Cal Day isn’t necessarily the most exciting time of year. The massive number of people jammed into the normally vast Sproul can bring out that inner sense of claustrophobia you held in as a child, and if you’re stuck in there for too long, thousands of bats may rush and attack you. Even if you haven’t had the same traumatic childhood experiences as Bruce Wayne, you may want to avoid losing your wits among the heat and collective loudness of Berkeley’s biggest open house. Here are a few things that you might consider doing as an alternative.

1) Visit Stanford. Just kidding — unless you’re in the mood to drive past their empty campus and laugh at how high their tuition costs are or that their official mascot is a color. You can bet that some Trees will be up here scouting the enemy on Cal Day, so feel free to return the favor by sneaking around their campus. Their latest claim is being the Harvard of the 21st century, but it shouldn’t be too hard to find glaring flaws in that assessment.

2) People-watch. If you don’t want to be stuck in the throngs of students, company representatives and overeager prospective students, you can watch from above and amuse yourself with how many times you hear people saying the same things, like “Where is the library?,” or by counting how many people aren’t wearing Cal gear. You could get a good bird’s eye view from climbing the ruins of Eshleman or finding a way to dodge the police department and ascending to the roof of Sproul — though we take no responsibility for your inevitable fall and consequent injury.

3) Drinking game! Sure, it may be early, but it’s not like you’re going to be around anyone important for the day. You could take a shot for every lecture you’ve missed this semester — or for every percentage point your grade has fallen since spring break. And then you can cry when you actually realize how many shots you’ve taken because of this.

4) Walk around various nonpeople-infested parts of campus and use your olfactory talents to gauge the relative amounts of weed being smoked throughout. Then, make a map of campus of increasingly red areas where the weed concentration is highest, and pass it out to high-schoolers at Cal Day. Hopefully, they’ll divert their parents from these aforementioned areas.

5) Alternatively, take a day trip to Colorado to celebrate 4/20.

6) Spend the day with that special someone — your bed. Let yourself sleep away the three weeks stress accumulated since spring break, and watch some TV while you’re at it. “Parks and Recreation,” “Community,” “Game of Thrones” and the frustratingly slow “How I Met Your Mother” are all popular options, whereas the NBA playoffs or the even more frustratingly slow sport of baseball is back for sports fans.

7) Check out the plethora of museums in the Berkeley area. From the Lawrence Hall of Science and Pacific Film Archive to the Magnes Collection and Lacis Museum, it might be worth visiting a place where you can get some peace and quiet. And besides, you get to see some cool stuff without taking a single flash photo.

8) Attend election celebrations for everyone who was elected to the ASUC! Oh … there aren’t any of those? Not even for the SQUELCH! people? Apparently, nobody really cares about being spoken to by an ASUC official — probably a holdover from the frenetic and irritating campaign season.

9) Check up on all your friends from high school to see if they got admitted to Berkeley. According to the admissions data released by the university yesterday, almost 79 percent of them won’t have been. It’s a great chance to exercise your ability to show fake excitement or flex your motivational speech skills — hopefully, it’ll be more of the former.

10) Study. Yeah, we didn’t think that one would be very popular either.

Image source: Daniel Parks under Creative Commons

Contact Uday at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter at @mehtakid.