With our national economy recovering at a painfully slow rate and recent grads entering an increasingly competitive job market, we have to face the harsh reality that the careers we initially came to this school to prepare for may not be the easiest to break into. So, in the interest of increasing our options, here’s a list of some normally overlooked careers with some pretty sweet perks. We think you should give them a chance — who knows, maybe you’ll find your calling!
1. Process server
Now, some of you may not know what a process server is. Neither did we, exactly. But from what we at the Clog understand, process servers get to hand people paperwork informing them that they’re being sued. People always say that they hate to be the bearer of bad news, but in this case, being the bearer of bad news sounds kind of awesome. Basically, you disguise yourself to blend into locations your targets frequent so that they don’t try to evade the law. So, in essence, you’d get to be what Seth Rogen’s character was in Pineapple Express. Can you imagine the look on a person’s face when the Bed Bath & Beyond employee helping him choose a toaster oven suddenly rips off their fake mustache and triumphantly hands him legal papers? You’re getting PAID to dress up and stalk people.
2. Police officer
While UC Berkeley students have their fair share of negative encounters with Berkeley’s Finest, we cannot seem to shake the glamour that Hollywood has built up around cops. And while we’re pretty sure (though not positive) that more than half of the following descriptions don’t accurately measure the experience of being a police officer in real life, one can dream. So, first, if you didn’t already know this, cops pretty much thrive on a steady diet of doughnuts and coffee. As valued customers of King Pin Donuts, this news excites us. A lot. Not only are sweet, delicious doughnuts resting peacefully in the hands of cops across the nation, but they also seem to be there for free. There’s something about the authority of a police officer that motivates doughnut shop owners to hand them free stuff. Maybe it’s because cops are armed with guns. Which brings us to our next point. They get to use guns. While we agree with the majority of the student body when it comes to gun laws, you’d be lying to yourself if you aren’t curious about what it’s like to fire one of those things. Maybe even sideways. Finally, the stories you yield from your job as a cop are guaranteed to one-up those of your friends and family. Friend was promoted at his startup for inventing a new program for attracting clientele? Oh yeah? Guess what? You were just promoted for discovering 100 pounds of cocaine after shooting down cartel leaders in a crossfire hostage situation. Brother or sister apologizes for being late to your lunch date because they were finishing up expense reports? Well, you’ll never have to apologize for being late on the basis that you were too busy FIGHTING CRIME. Oh, and if you’re worried about the whole getting shot and injured thing that goes along with this line of work, just dream about that pension.
This one is a no-brainer. We imagine that as a bartender, you build up a pretty high tolerance for booze, so when your customers include you in the round of shots they bought for their buddies, you’re drinking on the job. And, better yet, the more intoxicated these customers are, the more generous with tips they get. As a bartender, it’s your job to get people tipsy (in every sense of the word). The tipsier they are, the more you profit. Bartending is also the type of job where your skills apply nicely in nonwork life. A friend who mixes a perfect Long Island is a valuable friend indeed. Some people complain that bartending means giving up some of your weekend nights to work. You might feel like you’re missing out on opportunities to hang out with your friends. But let’s face it: The sloppy people at the bar are far more entertaining than your friends. And if this isn’t reason enough, there’s always that small chance that a famous person will come into your bar, pull a Matt Damon and marry the bartender.
4. Person who dresses up in a banana suit
If you’re anything like us at the Clog, at one point in your life, you wanted to be your school mascot. To this day we’re so curious as to what the mysterious process of choosing the mascot is, and we’re very jealous of Oski. If you decide to be the person who dresses up in various suits to promote business, you’re taking this childhood dream to the next level. The appeal behind the banana, cheeseburger or [insert inanimate object here] suit is simple: anonymity. You can pretty much do whatever you want to, because nobody knows it’s actually you doing those things. Dance like it’s 1999, subtly harass innocent passers-by … the world is your oyster when you’re wearing the banana suit.
Image Source: monsterww under Creative Commons
Contact Liz Zarka at [email protected]