What we learned from ‘The Bachelorette’

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There’s no denying that we all have our guilty pleasures. For some, it’s spending $4.50 on caffeinated beverage at Starbucks, but for us, it’s the TV shows we watch in our few precious moments of free time as college students. These first weeks of summer are providing us at the Clog with the perfect amount of time to do absolutely nothing and indulge fully in our absolute guiltiest of pleasures: season nine of “The Bachelorette.” While many first-time viewers of the reality dating show may be dazed by the blatant shallowness and apparent absurdity of the plot (and trust us, we’re not disagreeing with you there), we’ve come to the realization that the numbing effect this show has on the brain is actually quite therapeutic. Although we are quite aware of how unrealistic Desiree’s life is (as depicted on the show), we picked up on several things in the second episode of season nine that can totally be applied to real life. We’re sure these five lessons are definitely applicable to the life of any Berkeley student:

1. You have to find the right balance between making an impression and being “that guy.” Dedicated “Bachelorette” viewers will remember Jeff from Ashley’s season, who wore a Batman mask on the first night of the show because he wanted to be judged only on his “true self.” Joining him on the “memorable” first impressions list this season is Diogo, who walked out of the limo in a full suit of armor. Jeff made it through his rose ceremony, but Diogo didn’t — so we’re not sure what to tell you about whether or not the “shock and awe” strategy really works when attempting to woo a lover, but our advice is to stick to something a little more relatable to make your first impression on a lady or fella.

2. Going wedding dress shopping on your first date is a little forward. Desiree’s and Brooks’ faux wedding and Hollywood sign honeymoon excursion was cute and all, but even with the romantic background music and wonders created by reality television production, it felt a little awkward. It put a lot into perspective for us: Maybe the suggestion of marriage on a first date is acceptable on a show literally based on one woman’s hunt for a husband, but in our real lives, we probably shouldn’t jump to conclusions so fast. The Clog suggests waiting until at least the third date to start choosing wedding colors.

3. When driving in your bright blue Bentley convertible, put your hair up. Or wear a hat. This one seems like a simple lesson you’d learn after watching film after film depicting long-haired women struggling to gracefully pin down their gorgeous locks amid wild winds. If you want to enjoy the ride at all, sacrifice the beauty of the down-do and opt for a bun. Or maybe a fashionable headscarf.

4. Sharing sad stories about your past gives you an instant “lovable vulnerability.” Try this game: Count every time one of the guys mentions his mother, ex-girlfriend or deceased childhood pet. Then notice how many of these guys get kicked off in the same week. We’re betting the numbers are pretty low. This is because people appreciate feeling like they’re able to share part of your past with you. If you let someone carry a little of your burden, they’re bound to feel closer to you.

5. Toned abs can get you far in life. Whether it’s Desiree’s rockin’ bod in her pool-side rap video or Zak W., who literally spent the entire first cocktail party shirtless, the correlation between a strong core and strong prospects for success has been proven time and time again. Our money’s on Drew for this season — just look at his shirtless modeling shots. Now there’s a convincing contender.

Whether you’re an avid “Bachelorette” watcher or not, we highly recommend experiencing a couple of episodes on your own. Hopefully, you’ll learn some valuable life lessons, but if not, at least you’ll have a few laughs. We suggest playing a drinking game. Try drinking every time someone says “connection” or “the right reasons.” And if you have any other “Bachelorette” pearls of wisdom, let us know in the comments!

Image source: Christina Perez under Creative Commons

Contact Sarah Branoff at [email protected]