Chancellor Dirks likes to have fun

J. Hannah Lee/Staff
Nicholas Dirks enjoys his first day at work as UC Berkeley Chancellor in a welcome reception.

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In a surprising turn of events that neither his six-month impending chancellorship nor his half-hour interview revealed, the newly reigning Chancellor Nicholas Dirks is privy to basic human emotions, which include enjoyment, laughter and, most importantly, having fun. On his first day in office, Dirks let his Einstein-like composure slip into what closely resembled a smile when the Cal band welcomed him to the campus’s highest office. Later, in an irrefutable confirmation of our suspicions, he claimed that his motto was to “have fun every day.”

How does this stack up against other mottos we’ve come to know?

“You only live once.” Perhaps the most prevalent one-liner that spread through the world since Drake released his album Take Care a little over a year-and-a-half ago, we can definitively say that Dirks beats out the “Degrassi” star here. Sure, the appended YOLO may have inspired people to live life to the fullest, but what’s living life if you don’t really have fun during that one life? It may take a while for Dirks’ slogan to reach the number of people that Drake’s gotten to, but the former has the advantage of a rather catchy acronym: HFED. We’re sensing a collaboration.

“Don’t be evil.” It may astound you that this replaced Google’s infinitely popular previous slogan of “Search, Ads and Apps,” but they do seem like words to live by. This does clash with Dirks’ message to some degree, because it is entirely possible to have fun while being evil, as evidenced by Dirks’ menacing spectacled stare. Google’s does appear a bit hypocritical because it is the closest thing we have to Skynet, while Dirks holds steadfast to his with that charming smile.

“Winter is coming.” It’s no contest here — Dirks wins by a landslide. It’s been three seasons since Ned Stark first uttered this catchy phrase, and it has yet to manifest itself. Having fun every day does seem like a more family-friendly motto than the dark anxious-sounding motto of House Stark, which has almost seen its entire family slaughtered. The House Dirks would undoubtedly play well in the books — we hear that George R.R. Martin is for once having trouble pulling creativity out of his massive beard.

“Help will always be given … to those who ask for it.” Dirks should pay close attention to this, as he may well make use of it considering the numerous problems he has chosen to tackle. First, he has planned to unceremoniously dispose of all the cards and stationery that bear the title “Chancellor-designate” because he has formally shed that moniker as of June 3. Good luck taking that under the Berkeley sustainability collective.

What do you think of Chancellor Dirks’ new motto? Let us know in the comments!

Contact Uday at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter at @mehtakid.