Desperate times call for desperate measures, and the music scene has been taking some desperate measures. With a generation ready to embrace whatever trending thing that comes up on their social media news feed, there are hundreds of thousands of artists out in the world trying to make the next best universal hit. With so many musicians coming out with so many songs, it becomes more difficult to come up with something that’s truly creative and original. Some artists will sing about anything. After taking a moment to look back on some random song titles with us at the Daily Clog, you may never look at an inanimate object in an unsexualized way ever again.
1. “Slip N Slide” by Jonn Hart featuring Kid Ink. You were definitely the cool kid on the block if you owned a Slip ‘n Slide. If your parents just had a thing against inflatable water slides, at least you enjoyed the TV commercials. But if there were ever two people in the world that could create an analogy between a Toys “R” Us product and sex, it’s Jonn Hart (that’s right, with two N’s) and Kid Ink. The painfully catchy tune has now made innocent slipping and sliding something of a forgotten past. And Hart’s serious, mentioning in his rap, “I ain’t gon’ play no games.” But why, Mr. Hart? Summer games are chock full of innocent and good fun! What’s probably the weirdest thing about this song is how the heck Hart or Ink found the inspiration. That must have been one hell of a Wal-Mart trip.
2. “Whistle” by Flo Rida. What. The. Hell. If someone told us that we were allowed to make a song about a stupid whistle, we would be making bank! Uncalled for, Flo. But of course the guy who unnecessarily splits a state’s name in half has dibs on creating a song about a small wind instrument. We would also like to mention that if it took you a while to catch on the song’s sexualized themes, we don’t blame you. He is literally singing about how to use a whistle. It really is so damn literal. But really, Flo Rida must have seen a random whistle on the ground and decided to make a song about it. We can only imagine his disparity in needing to pay his utilities bill. And just for the record, if you happen to meet a girl who doesn’t know how to use a whistle, she has a breathing problem.
3. “Crickets” by Drop City Yacht Club featuring Jeremih. It’s very unsurprising to realize that this song has nothing to do with crickets. Sorry, cricket lovers … whoever you may be. The word “crickets” only comes up like four times in the song. As A-Wolf and Kristo rap quite distastefully about a girl, Jeremih’s soulful voice sings about trying to get a girl to hang out with him but hears crickets instead of a “Yes.” But you can’t fool us here at Berkeley. We know that crickets prevalently come out at night, so look Jeremih. It’s not that you’re ugly or you don’t have a great voice or whatever. Maybe she doesn’t want a stranger following her and singing to her in the middle of the night.
4. “Birthday Cake” by Rihanna. We can say one thing about this song: It makes a great drinking game! But if you’re ever curious — or bored — enough to look up how many times Rihanna mentions the word “cake” in this song, it’s probably more than you’ve mentioned the word in your last eight birthdays. This song is so repetitive and simplistic that it’s almost … genius. Think about it. As Rihanna sings about making someone her bitch and not having the decency to put your name on your very own birthday cake, we can’t help but dance the night away to this on replay. You wouldn’t even know this song was about a pastry unless you did a really random Google search.
The only lesson we can learn from this? The next inanimate object you see, make a song about it. By what we’ve seen here, you can make millions.
Know of any songs or song titles you just have troubling getting? Share with us in the comments!
Image Source: Focka under Creative Commons
Contact Karen Kwaning at kkwaning[email protected]