10 levels of questions to get intimate with your freshman-year roommate

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As you start your freshman year, it’s best to get to know the person you’ll be living in a small, confined space with.

You’ll eventually get to know your roommate in a very personal way: Do they snore? Do they frequently bring home overnight companions? What does their morning voice sound like? You’ll know the answer to these questions and more after living with your roommate for a year.

As the year goes on, here are some helpful questions to take your roommate relationship to the next level.

Level 1: What’s your name? It’s good to start off slow. You probably already thoroughly stalked your roommate on Facebook and know not just their name but also their favorite TV shows. But you can feign ignorance and find out what you should refer to them by for the duration of your relationship.

Level 2: What’s your major? As if you really care, but it’s more a matter of courtesy than substantive conversation. Try to fake interest somewhat convincingly — they might be taking some classes that are similar to yours, which could lead to some late-night homework help. Or at least you’d know to look out and avoid them when walking into a specific lecture hall.

Level 3: Are you allergic to anything? So you won’t inadvertently be charged with murder when the police find the peanut butter jar riddled with your fingerprints.

Level 4: Do you have a significant other? As we approach the middle of the road, we can afford to get a little more personal. This can be a dangerous topic, as you might discover your roommate won’t stop talking about their significant other once given the opportunity. A common follow-up to this would be to ask their stance on overnight guests, particularly if you’re planning on bringing someone home in the months to come.

Level 5: What’s your biggest insecurity? Getting to know what they worry about is a good way to get to know your roommate. Make sure this goes both ways, and that you also open up and make yourself vulnerable to your dormmates.

Level 6: What would you name your future kid? And don’t let them get away with the “I don’t want kids” excuse. If they answer “Kal-El” after Nicholas Cage’s son, or “North West” along the lines of the immortal Kim-Ye, then it’s likely a good indicator that you can no longer be friends.

Level 7: Are you hiding your Wi-Fi router from me? That’ll definitely ante up the tension.

Level 8: Are you on your period? This has vastly different results with guys and girls, and oftentimes comically so. Your intention could range from comforting and concerned to full-on bitchslap-with-words mode.

Level 9: When did you last wet the bed? Self-explanatory, really.

Level 10: What’s your GPA? It’s Berkeley. You knew this was going to be on here.

Image source: mattradickal under Creative Commons

Contact Uday at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter at @mehtakid.