It’s only a few weeks into the school year, but the ASUC has already expressed trepidation about Janet Napolitano, passing a bill that expressed no confidence in the incoming UC president if she does not carry out a list of nine demands by a deadline set by the ASUC senate. While the ASUC’s concerns partially stem from policies Napolitano implemented as Secretary of Homeland Security, we at the Clog feel the ASUC has more pressing matters on its agenda.
Crossroads food, for example. If anything deserves a vote of no confidence, it is the fish served in the dining commons. Or the pork or chicken. Any form of meat served in the dining commons, really, deserves a vote of no confidence — if just for the reason that it so suspiciously resembles rubber.
What else should the ASUC vote no confidence in?
The price of textbooks. You’d think that our student bookstore would cater to students like its moniker suggests. The price of textbooks sold there, however, doesn’t seem to reflect student budgets. In case you hadn’t already doled out enough money for tuition, housing and meals, the start of the semester hits you with another cost — and a hefty one, at that. Instead of inwardly crying while you tally up the costs of your course books, you can petition the ASUC to express no confidence in the student store’s cost of textbooks.
Oski’s costume. Being a bear (and not something distinctly uncuddly, such as a tree), you’d think Oski would be cute and, to our rivals, perhaps fearsome. The human-sized Oski who appears at sporting events, however, is neither of these things. With its oddly oblong face and abnormally large nose, Oski is frightening at best. You need only see the latest cover of the Heuristic Squelch for proof of Oski’s undeniable creepiness. Hence, we suggest a vote of no confidence in the current Oski costume.
Organic chemistry. College is largely a balancing act between work and play. If you are taking organic chemistry, however, your life is likely pretty devoid of play. As your friends go to parties and explore Berkeley, you go to lab and barricade yourself in the library. Many ambitious and possibly masochistic students put themselves through this course every year. We propose that this inhumane practice is stopped through a vote of no confidence in students’ ability to receive high marks in organic chemistry without sacrificing their sanity.
Tele-BEARS. As a freshman, you probably cursed your inopportune Tele-BEARS time and longed for the day when you would be a senior and given the earliest enrollment slots. News flash: Even as a senior, Tele-BEARS is not your friend. Your major may absurdly limit the number of students per course. Or perhaps you are struggling to satisfy breadth requirements with classes that only begin after noon. Whatever your situation, whatever your year and no matter how meticulously you have mapped out your potential schedule, Tele-BEARS will throw a wrench in your plans. We recommend a vote of “no confidence” in Tele-BEARS. If the Tele-BEARS system of course enrollment persists, we vote no confidence in students’ ability to get the classes they want without a struggle.
We know Napolitano is a big deal, but seriously, so is regular life as a Golden Bear. If you have more suggestions for the ASUC, let us know in the comments below.
Image: John-Morgan under Creative Commons.