Back in high school, we shuddered at the thought of college. We thought there would be bills to pay, clothes to launder and meals to cook — we basically thought college would be an extension or a more intense version of our routine in high school. But we’ve quickly come to learn that we no longer do a lot of the basic things that became ingrained in us during high school.
1. Be on time
Fact: Our school assigns a name for our notorious tardiness — “Berkeley time.” But are we going to complain about the widespread lack of punctuality? No.
2. Go to class at all
Kudos to those who can walk by their professors at the grocery store and have no idea whom he or she is — they are society’s paragon of people who are good at managing time. Because why would you choose to show up to your only lecture on Monday and Friday at 10 a.m. when you can just call it a four-day weekend instead?
3. Call in sick
The ludicrous excuses you’ve somehow always managed to persuade your parents to use over the phone won’t help much in college. We have the power of our .edu emails to help us now. Sadly, that’s not a privilege: Students’ newfound autonomy to ditch section only engenders suspicion from professors and GSIs, especially when they receive 20 tearjerkers from students on the day a 15-page paper is due asking for a deadline extension. It’s even worse when all the emails bear the unfortunate news of their recently deceased grandfathers and how they must fly home to attend the funeral. Save yourself the trouble of bullshitting, and just be truthful about things — they’ll respect you for that.
4. Care about how you look
You may feel bad that you routinely set your alarm for 10 minutes before class and, consequently, look like a mess every day. But once you walk through Sproul and behold 20 ladies all wearing close-fitting North Face jackets and leggings, you realize that if you’re spending more than 15 minutes on your getting-ready routine … you’re trying too hard.
5. Finish homework for all seven periods
Gone are the days when we had to squander time on brainless and tedious homework due the next day, every day. Now, many of our classes don’t even have a homework category in the breakdown, which can be both a blessing and a curse.
6. Request permission to go out with friends
You’re not getting dirty looks from your parents if you leave your room at 1 a.m. to get Top Dog with a friend. Let that sink in for a while. You’re leaving your room in the middle of the night. And no one gives a shit.
7. Worry about gas money
If your stomach dictates that you must have a car to get to the In-N-Out in Oakland, no worries, because Oakland is still pretty darn close. In fact, everything here is pretty darn close. The only drawback is the bitch who goes by the name “Parking.”
Say goodbye to the bane of your childhood. Never again will you have to worry about missing the premiere of the final “Twilight” movie because your mom decided the bathrooms needed to be cleaned before you left the house. Even better, because your minimalist and poor excuse of an apartment doesn’t need much maintenance, your living space can’t get too disorderly, anyway.
9. Make breakfast in the morning
Your high school probably had “closed campus” policies that barred you from leaving the perimeter of the school during hours of instruction, with the exception of the measly 40 minutes allotted to lunch. This meant no to a lot of things: Starbucks runs between classes, midday boba stops, chances to burn summadat bud before your AP art class … the list goes on. This also meant you either had to wake up early to make yourself a satisfying breakfast or starve. Unless, that is, you made your mom wake up early to make your breakfast for you. Well, we daresay she’s glad things have changed. A banana, last night’s cold leftover pizza, the cupcakes your friends gave you on your birthday about a month ago … who says real college kids don’t have time for real breakfasts?
10. Sweat over interviews
Back in the day — like two or three years ago — you locked the doors, stood in front of the mirror and practiced greeting your interviewer for an entire hour, shaking your head, frustrated, at every wrong, creepy or overenthusiastic intonation of “hi” that sneaked its way out. Now you’re different. UC Berkeley so graciously gives students opportunities to join organizations, you’re kind of already used to what goes down during an interview. If you’re still getting the heebie-jeebies at the mention of “interview,” may the odds be ever in your favor.
11. Abiding by your curfew/bedtime
When you were in high school, odds are trial and error had taught you to get your ass back home before 11 p.m. Or else.
Contact Raymond Yang at [email protected]