8 highlights of the Super Bowl halftime show: where we wished Beyonce was back
This is Omaha, Nebraska. Omaha is sad.
1. Did you know Bruno Mars is performing?!
Just in case you missed all the advertisements at every commercial intermission reminding you since the beginning of January that Pepsi would be sponsoring the halftime show, Bruno Mars is going to be performing. Please, someone remind us one more time. Now that the halftime show is over, DID YOU KNOW THAT BRUNO MARS PERFORMED?! Oh, and the Red Hot Chili Peppers were there too.
2. Children of color
The show opens with singing children of color. Bruno Mars is trying to steal Coca-Cola’s commercial. Meanwhile, Bruno pounds on the drums, trying to streamline into dubstep and leaving us questioning whether any singing is going to be done. We’re already wondering where Beyonce is. Fierce-ass walk is better than dubstep drums.
3. Bruno secretly loves the Broncos
There was so much orange. We know its the new black, but seriously, is this the Netherlands? Maybe Bruno is trying to give Denver some amp after its awful first half, though the Broncos needed a lot more than color to help them out tonight. Pocahontas sang with the colors of the wind, but Bruno Mars didn’t sing with the colors of the win.
4. Bruno’s feet
First of all, can we talk about the piece of art that is his hair? Bruno’s or Bieber’s, which one would look better in a mug shot? Secondly, dat footwork. Who knew the kid could dance like that? Bruno Mars’ crazy moves were possibly the best thing to happen at halftime. The Red Hot Chili Peppers, not so much.
5. Someone give the Red Hot Chili Peppers shirts
It’s freezing at the MetLife, and yet the RHCP still choose to bare their nipples and scream, “Give it away, give it away, give it away,” which, as the Twittersphere puts it, is what Denver is doing in this game. Anthony Kiedis, lead singer of the RHCP, has also donned tights and looks like he just came from soccer practice. You keep telling us to “give it away,” we’re praying in our heads for you to “get off the stage.” Please. The only person whose shirt we want off is David Beckham. Now you can play THAT commercial again.
6. Military tribute
We take back what we said. Forget Bruno’s feet; the military tribute, in which military members greeted their families from abroad, was the best part of the show.
7. American excess
Why were there two extra stages that were used for nothing except displaying the American flag and the color orange? The answer: because we can.
8. Superimposed fireworks
When Bruno sees your face, he loves you just the way you are … with overlayed pyrotechnics to boot. The only thing that could make this song less boring live are red, white and blue fireworks.