Clog tutorial: how to navigate the dance floor

Photo source: Lone-star

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While we’ve all foregone possible socializing for the dreaded papers and midterms piling up, we still hope you get out sometimes to make up for all that staying in. Hey, it’s college, right? You can go to a party or two! You can even dance if you want to.

“I can’t dance,” you say, echoing every romantic lead ever. But don’t worry. The Clog’s got you covered. This guide will help you fit in with every type of situation you find on the dance floor:

1. If you want to join a circle of dancers:


The secret entrance into this circle is a fist bump with its other members. Once you have given the secret handshake, you are commanded to nod your head and fist pump along to the song. Proceed with that for the rest of the night.

2. If you want to leave the circle and join another group of dancers:


Stipulation: You must be flying solo for the night. The trick to this one is to go up to groups of people who are already dancing and just kind of stare at them. Maybe try to move your hips a little. Repeat until they accept you.

3. If you want to dance on the table:


Here’s the trick: balance and hand-eye coordination. Also, shoes with good traction. This is important for all the pointing, grabbing each other, hip shaking and singing along with whichever Lana Del Ray song comes on.

4. If you want the dance floor to be a makeshift bedroom:


We do not advise that you seek to participate in this one, because either interrupting or attempting to join is awkward. In fact, we do not even condone the existence of these people. Soft-core pornography is not acceptable PDA.

5. If you want to dance ironically:


You’re going to have to reach back into the depths of your elementary-school mind. Time to break out the sprinkler and the shopping cart. You already look cool, we promise.

6. If you want to just smoke in the corner:


Generally a pretty friendly, accepting group, you can just walk right up and introduce yourself.  Bonus points if you bring them snacks or a lighter. But don’t try to get them to dance with you, because movement is a lot of effort right now.

7. If you want to have a super deep conversation on the dance floor:


Walk up to someone you recognize from class or from another party and ask them how they are. But how they really are, not just what they tell everyone else when they ask. Even if you can’t hear their response over the music, it’s okay because you’re making a new friend.

We wish you the best of luck as you navigate those treacherous dance floors.

Contact Holly Secon at [email protected].