Attention all electrical engineering and computer sciences majors: We’ve come up with a few potential multimillion-dollar ideas that are up for grabs. Living in a society consumed by technology, we are actually surprised these apps don’t exist yet. Develop the code for these money-makers, and you’ll be sure to have the attention of every UC Berkeley student.
We have all experienced the broke college life at some point during our stay at Cal. Wouldn’t it be extremely convenient for an app to find sources of free food and send us an event reminder? We would never miss another chance at free pizza again, even if it does mean we have to listen to companies drag on about their programs “guaranteed to give you the highest score.”
Your No. 1 Fan
Sometimes, we just need that extra push, a reminder that in a short 24 hours, we will be done and reacquainted with our beds. Because friends and roommates aren’t nice enough (or dumb enough) to stay up with you, an app that does the cheering would be extremely helpful. All-nighters would be way more fun with an app dedicated to motivating you throughout the horrendous excursion of writing a 10-page paper through the night.
The Next Free Act
Ever been jealous of your friends’ amazing stories about the awesome parkouring, nunchuck-wielding, superhuman running around Upper Sproul Plaza? Well, with this hypothetical app, you’ll be able to know exactly who is on Sproul and won’t ever miss a chance to see the cultural diversity of UC Berkeley through the form of interpretive dance! You’ll finally be cool enough to share your own stories.
As great as sleeping in the uncomfortable chairs in the horribly lit rooms of the Valley Life Sciences Building is, it would be really helpful to have an app that essentially zaps you awake every time you doze off in the middle of your Math 1B lecture. Just think of all the knowledge you could be gaining — and the tuition you’d be putting to use!
You only have five minutes to grab lunch before you have to run all the way to the other side of campus to your philosophy discussion in the middle of nowhere. Where do you go? You could go to Pat Brown’s, Qualcomm or the infamous GBC. What is the one app that can help you make a concrete decision? One that judges the lines in all these cafe and tells you where the shortest one is. This way, you can get in and get out without the fear of facing the disappointment of GBC’s ridiculously long lines that wrap around the store.
Sometimes, we just need to hear the harsh truth — that we are lazy, unmotivated individuals who would prefer to take the easy way out. On those days when we’d rather watch Netflix and stare at our carpet than work on the book report for Anthropology 1 (which is basically every day), it would extremely helpful to have an app that basically yells at you to get some work done because positive motivation can only get you so far. We don’t mind if our phone screams obscenities at us, especially when we know it’s out of concern for our academic well-being.
Lonely No More
Being a collective group of awkward individuals, sometimes it might be difficult to develop friends who aren’t your mom or your cat. But with this guide, you’ll be able to meet a random person on the street and immediately transition to become biffles. Let’s all be best friends.
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Contact Ilaf Esuf at [email protected].