If UC Berkeley Facebook pages were members of your group of friends

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The friends you had back home in high school, the friends you have made since getting here — they’re different, but are they all that different?  We know that all of your friend groups maintain those certain tropes of friends. And we love them all, but there are always those little things they do when you’re around them. We at the Clog decided to have a little fun by trying to figure out which friends UC Berkeley pages and groups on Facebook would act like.

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1. UC Berkeley Class of 2018 (which, if you did join on Facebook, you definitely regret)

That kind of annoying friend who just hangs around but will not shut up. Anything that he or she went out and did today — you will hear about it. Yes, we had that funny joke one time, but #stop.

2. Your actual UC Berkeley Class of (…) (which you have long ago stopped getting notifications from)

Hey, there’s that friend you met the first week of welcome week, hung out with once and now run into everywhere. You liked him or her but not really enough to make time the time to hang out. Hey, you’re busy. However, be wary of the day when he or she actually capitalizes on your offer of “OMG let’s hang out! Text me!”, and suddenly you realize some people never stop acting like freshmen.

3. Berkeley Squirrels

The eagerness and enthusiasm — this one has got to be your friend with way too much school spirit. I’m sorry, we don’t actually want to go to that Cal club soccer game you heard about, but we will root for the team in our hearts.

4. Textbook Exchange

The smart friend who may or may not have actually gotten a 4.0 at one point in his or her career here. Is he or she a Regents scholar? You can always go to this friend for help in that class that he or she undoubtedly kept the organized notes for. We want to hate this friend, but we can’t help but be in awe.

5. UC Berkeley Confessions

Dare we call Berkeley Confessions your slutty friend, or would he or she get offended? We love him or her, in spite of, or because of, how much sex and how many stories he or she has.

6. Free & For Sale

That low-key sleazy friend you have. Not that he or she actually is sleazy, but sometimes that’s just the vibe. But he or she can always hook you up with whatever you need, because “don’t worry, I know a guy.”

7. Jobs & Internships

Woah, the friend who actually knows what he or she wants to do in life. These people are a rare and threatening species, but believe us, they exist in the wild. And on this Facebook page.

8. Berkeley Story Collective

Man, your super hipster friend is just too cool for you. Always in the know, always politically active. Can we just be him or her? If only. You hang out with this friend, and you’ll go to the newest, hippest brunch you’ve ever been to and conveniently run into all those other cool people you’ve seen around on campus whom this friend magically knows. Too hip.

Image Source: Marco PaköeningratJean Lucas

Contact Holly Secon at [email protected]