Top ways UC Berkeley will take a huge crap on your life and how to respond

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The stressful undertones of the next three weeks — yeah, your last three weeks of spring 2014 — call for some tips on how to deal with some stressful situations! We all have those days and those weeks when we feel like UC Berkeley is just taking a huge dump on our lives. And that’s not fun. Luckily, we’ve laid out some of those situations for you and how you should respond to them should they occur:

1. The moment you make an accomplishment, you’re going to meet someone that’s going to make it seem not that cool. At UC Berkeley, you’re going to meet a lot of brilliant people. The second you land that internship at a really cool start-up, you’re going to meet a freshman who just got offered a full-time position at Google.

How to respond: Congratulate said freshman. It’s important not to compare yourself to people anywhere, but it’s especially important here at UC Berkeley. You go to an amazing school with some of the most amazing kids. Don’t compare your accomplishments to other people’s. Instead, be proud of yourself for everything you’ve achieved. You’re a badass. That freshman’s a badass. We’re all badasses. Go Bears.

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2. You’ll walk outside expecting it to be a nice warm day, and all of a sudden, a monsoon will occur. If you go to UC Berkeley, you should know not to ever expect the weather to be like what it looks like from your bedroom window.

How to respond: Be prepared. We don’t care if your weather app says there’s a 0.000005 percent chance of rain tomorrow. If you have any sort of thought in your mind that says to you, “Umbrella,” bring that freakin’ umbrella, ella, ella, dammit. WWRD: What would Rihanna do?

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3. When you finally expect to get a week of relaxation, your obligations are like, “OH, JK.” You’ve just had several weeks of midterms and papers and projects for the club you’re in. You finally have a week when it’s just going to be a calm, normal week of class without too many obligations. WRONG. Your GSI assigns an extra-long extra-credit assignment (and DUH, you’re going to do it, you’re an overachiever, you go to Cal, we already know); your co-worker needs for you to cover her shifts this week because she’s going to be out of town; your friend from home is coming to visit the next weekend so you need to finish all of your work beforehand; and you have to fill out 20 last-minute internship applications.

How to respond: Never expect a “calm” week at UC Berkeley to be an actual calm week. Be prepared for your GSIs or friends or whoever to bring up situations like this, and don’t freak out. DON’T. FREAK. OUT. The faster you get these things done and the more efficient you are, the closer you will be to relaxing!

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Contact Gabrielle Nguyen at [email protected].