The 6 depressing stages of post-Outside Lands

The best part about being in the Bay Area is the plethora of music it aggregates. The worst part is that the pleasure is always short-lived — especially for UC Berkeley students who barely have time to breathe in between work and school. If you’re one of the blessed individuals who attended the Outside Lands Music and Arts Festival this year, we are struggling with you.

Stage 1: WAKING UP — “Where are my legs? Do I still have legs? I can’t feel them…”

After three full days of standing on your feet and walking from Twin Peaks to Lands End (the equivalent of walking from Narnia to the moon), it’s highly likely that your legs resemble some vague form of jello. It doesn’t matter how comfy your Docs were, pain is pain, and the struggle was real.

Stage 2: GETTING READY FOR THE DAY — “So I guess I can’t wear my bathing suit casually anymore..”

Attire that was once appropriate, despite the zero-degree San Francisco weather, can’t be worn regularly anymore. You’re going to have to go back to clothes that actually cover your body.

Stage 3: GO TO WORK/SCHOOL — “Damn. This time, two days ago, I was surrounded by wide-eyed teens jamming to Flume. Now I’m stuck staring at spreadsheets.”

Unfortunately, your three-day vacation is over, and you’re forced to go back to more mundane tasks like padding your resume or fulfilling graduation requirements. Even listening to “Hyperparadise” through headphones doesn’t make it better. It’s just too quiet. It’s not the same.

Stage 4: GETTING LUNCH — “Wait … there’s food that’s fewer than 800 calories?”

It’s probably a good thing you can’t order doughnut cheeseburgers on the daily, but who are we kidding? We’d wait half an hour for those suckers any day.

Stage 5: WALKING HOME — “Why is everyone staring at me when I cross the street? Since when was it a crime to twerk in public…”

It is no longer acceptable to shake it like a salt shaker while walking. People will judge you. Just be thankful that you don’t have to be stuck using public transportation for two hours anymore.

Stage 6: GOING TO BED — “Real life sucks.”