Godly Positioning System

Charlotte Passot/Staff

A man is driving to a dinner party and he gets to an intersection and he doesn’t know which path to take, so he looks down at his navigation device. Except the device recently discovered religion and has since been kind of preachy.

“Recalculate route,” says the driver.

“Don’t follow me,” said the GPS. “Follow God!”

So the man turns left because he sees the cute blonde from work in a honda civic two cars ahead of his, and he wants to see where she’s going.

“Ah,” said the navigation device. “Lust.”

The driver has never really been the religious type, but something about sin gets on his nerve. Maybe it’s the deadly thing. He demands that the navigation system tell him where to go.

“I get it,” says the navigation system. “You’re frustrated. You lack direction. But look inside yourself — His light will illuminate the right path.”

“I’m not taking my eyes off the road,” says the driver.

So the GPS system starts beeping really loudly and the guy looks down and the navigation system starts to laugh because he made the man look.

“Stop being a bastard,” says the driver.

“I am as a I was meant to be, for every child of God is a blessing,” says the navigation system.

“But you’re not even alive,” says the driver.

“Whoa man,” says the navigation device. “I don’t want to talk politics right now.”

“Sorry,” says the driver. “I didn’t mean it.”

The navigation system sighs. “You know what? It’s fine. We all make mistakes. Hell, I used to be an addict! That’s actually why I became so devout in the first place.”

“What was your poison?” asks the driver.

“Water,” says the navigation system, because it’s an electronic device.

The driver shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “Hey, I didn’t know,” he says. “I sort of feel like an asshole, now, for putting you so close to the cup-holder.”

The navigation system laughs, “Ha Ha. If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14.”

And this kind of kills the moment, because the driver thought that they’d moved past the religious stuff.

The navigation system senses the man’s discomfort and backs off. At this point it’s getting dark so the man turns on his brights. His path illuminated, he thinks for a moment that this is nice, like a heavenly light or something.

“Where should I go now?” he asks.

Discussion Question: How should the navigation system respond?

  1. Can you hook me up with Siri?
  2. In 666 feet, turn left at your destination.
  3. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6.
  4. Dude, you just hit something.