It’s a proven fact that Daiso has anything that one will need from birth to death. It sells everything — from tubs to wash a newborn in, to canes to use when you’re old enough to need that pan for an entirely different reason. The careful Daiso observer, however, will notice that some of these objects are not like the others. Being the Daiso connoisseurs we are, we’ve noticed all of them … and ranked them from least to most weird for your viewing pleasure (horror? — you decide).
10. Angry owls
It’s not like we don’t know what trinkets are, but just imagine coming home to this grumpy face every day … or waking up to it in the middle of the night, sitting on your dresser. Why so angry, owl?
Best use: Put it on your doorstep so that this little grumpy-puss guilts robbers into staying away from your apartment.
9. Pregnancy test
So, you think you’re pregnant — and your first decision is not to go to, you know, a pharmacy or anything, but to the Berkeley equivalent of a dollar store. The starving-student life is real.
Best use: Send negative results to your mom to show her you’re still on track with your life. You can easily afford it.
8. “Sugar heart” and “sunny pirate” stationary
To be clear, we’re not disputing the fact that this stationary is adorable. We’re just a tad bit confused by the word choice. Does the pirate have a sunny disposition, or is he an actual sun? Is the bear’s heart sugary-sweet, or is it actual candy? We’ll die wondering.
Best use: Send it to your potential Berkeley bae as a compatibility test. If he or she has the same burning questions, you’re clearly soulmates.
7. Finger roller
OK, maybe people get really bad finger cramps and we’re blissfully unaware. Or maybe, people need these for the big Finger Olympics. Stranger things have happened, right?
Best use: Roll out that writer’s cramp after your professor lectures 10 minutes overtime again.
6. Mannequin head
Props to the miracle store for covering literally every possible base. We’re just wondering why a college student would need a mannequin head. But who knows? It might be just the thing you need for your wig collection.
Best use: Set up a few of these in your apartment, and pretend you have friends.
5. Health tool
We appreciate that Daiso is watching out for our health, but we think this looks kind of like a medieval torture instrument.
Best use: Save this one for a “Hunger Games”-style apocalypse scenario.
4. Document case
To be honest, we didn’t know that these were a real thing — we thought they were the exclusive domain of movies starring Nicholas Cage and certain national treasures. But I guess it makes sense — I mean, how else are you supposed to carry around your old maps and spare copies of the Declaration of Independence?
Best use: Carry one onto BART, look mysterious, and make a stranger’s day.
3. Foaming net
We didn’t know we needed this until we saw it at Daiso. We love nets, and we love foam, and now we can have our two favorite things at once.
Best use: Grab that person who desperately needs a shower. Capture him with the net, and clean him with the foam. Problem solved.
2. Etiquette pack
We at the Clog have it on good authority that this bag is the human equivalent of a pooper scooper. Keep a few of these in your bag because, in case you ever need to pee on the go, the bag neutralizes the odor of your urine. Don’t pinch yourself out of happy disbelief — it’s real. You’re welcome.
Best use: Bring a few to your next frat party. Dirty-beyond-belief bathrooms will never be a problem again.
1. Office sponge
This is not the sponge your office wants. It’s the sponge your office needs. Buy another sponge for your home. This is an office sponge only. Can’t you read?
Best use: Isn’t it obvious?
Contact Emma Schiffer at [email protected].