We at the Clog strongly feel that walking into discussion is like walking into an episode of “The Twilight Zone” — although the faces of the people in your class are all different, their personalities are eerily the same. We’ve compiled a list of ancient archetypes to prove our point, and if you don’t believe us, you’re clearly number two.
1. The person who has clearly read only one sentence of the reading
These people are hard to spot in the wild, but there’s a foolproof trick for discovering their secrets. Notice that they sound smart, but they always come back to the same point.
GSI: What was the most important part of this reading?
TPWHCROOSOTR: I really think the author made a brilliant point on page 15, line 5. His argument about the consumerism of bicycles was simply fascinating.
2. The person who sits in the front
It’s always tempting to ask this person if they know what Berkeley time is, because he or she seems to think classes start 10 minutes early instead of 10 minutes late. Note the eager smile and the will to survive, even after more than two years in college.
GSI: It’s 10 minutes past, so we’re going to start now.
TPWSITF: I was born ready.
3. The person who desperately wants to make friends
Beware of the PWDWTMF — his or her intentions are always murky. Does you he want you for your friendship, or for your beautiful notes? You’ll never know.
GSI: Grab a partn —
TPWDWTMF: Here’s my number. So call me, maybe? (But actually, study party tomorrow at 5?)
4. The person who falls asleep halfway through class
Although these people try to blend into their surroundings, they’re easily found if you sneak a peek at their notes from class. Notice how their pen trails off the page? That’s not a seismograph — that’s a sign you’ve found your target.
GSI: Can anyone explain the concept of “consumerism?”
TPWFAHTC: Oh, that’s what “consum …” means.
5. The invisible man
This one’s hard to spot, because you’ve only seen him once. Sometimes you see him on the street, and he looks vaguely familiar. He’s not in your class … is he?
GSI: Has anyone seen TIM?
6. The person who really, really likes to argue
You can’t miss this person, because he or she will be in your face for the full hour of discussion. You didn’t even read the reading well enough to form a clear stance, so apparently whatever you’re saying is wrong. Don’t worry, he’ll never let you forget it.
GSI: Does anyone have a response to your classmate?
TPWRRLTA: He’s completely wrong, and his mother should be ashamed.
7. The one who’s just trying to survive
Let’s be real. That’s you.
Contact Emma Schiffer at [email protected].