Dear midterm-season cold,

Please leave me alone. I’ve had enough of your selfish ways.

You have absolutely zero consideration for me. It’s no matter to you whether I’m deep into a problem set or in the zone while cranking out my history essay. When you want something, you want it now. You don’t even have the consideration to wait until I’ve finished my study guide to unleash a coughing fit so violent that it leaves me grasping for breath minutes after it passes.

I’m sick and tired of this game we’re playing. Just when you seem to loosen your grip on me, one little sniffle brings me right back to sneeze-filled sleepless nights, bemoaning my state of agony. You are suffocating me. I feel as though I cannot breathe, like my throat is closing up and my nose is becoming increasingly stuffed up.

I can’t be expected to be at your beck and call at all times — I’ve got studying to do. Plus, I’ve got the world to see! I’ve got parties to go to, hiking trails to run and greasy food to consume, and I will not have you holding me back from living my life. No longer will I give into your demands of inactivity, shutting myself away from the world under my comforter, with only you for company.

By the way, you should know I’ve been taking vitamin C supplements. That’s right — vitamin C! Soon you’ll be out of my life, whether you like it or not.

And if I haven’t made this abundantly clear already, you are not pleasant to be around. Since you’ve come into my life, all you’ve done is bring me unhappiness.

So please stay out of my life, and don’t you ever come back.

Sincerely,

Every UC Berkeley student