Save your intramural sports team’s season

Hey, you! Yes, you! We know why you look so downtrodden. No, really, we do. It’s because your intramural team has already found itself 0-3, right? Oh, no, I didn’t know that. Really? Well, tell your mother to get well for me. You can’t reach her? Alright, we admit maybe we were overeager about the IM sports things. But you are still interested in how to improve your team’s play right? Hey, wait, the crosswalk sign hasn’t changed yet!

Not everyone is ready to call it quits on his or her IM season yet, but for those of you out there who are about to find a lot of schedule conflicts during game time, we at the Clog can help you. Yes, it is a process so simple and easy that we’ve thrown out all the steps and decided to build a ramp toward your goals. But wait, there’s more! If you finish reading within the next five minutes, we’ll throw in an extra motivational quote, giving you a total value of one quote and the extra minute or two you saved trying to read this quicker!

Not convinced we can change things? Here is a sample of the methods laid out in our therapeutic DVD series:

1. Getting into a winner’s mindset

2. Redirecting your sense of loss toward positive uses

3. Forgetting about feelings

4. Using your body as a weapon

5. Bonus: taking no prisoners, only the enemy’s dreams

This collection of trial-tested (charges were dropped!) methods and tips will leave your opponents fuming as they burn up their cleats and decide never to step foot on the field again. Considering our series as a gift? Perfect! There is nothing your friends, family and significant others would like more than our family-friendly handbook of group exercises to make everyone a winner. It complements the DVD series perfectly and comes with a CD of melodies to get you in the mood for your next family volleyball game. A sneak peek at some of the tunes include:

1. “I Believe I Can Fly” by R. Kelly

2. “Stronger” by Kanye West

3. “Who Gon Stop Me” by Kanye West and Jay-Z

4. “Are You Dead Yet?” by Children of Bodom

Remember that quote we promised you at the beginning? Well, the wait is over. Just order now and claim it! And most importantly, prepare to bask in IM sports glory, as a bust of your smirking face is mounted to look down on the squat racks.

Contact Ismael Farooqui at [email protected].