Calstrology: Celebrity edition

From the people that brought you Calstrology, we present your new celebrity horoscope. Look below to see which celebrity you should look to for advice in the near future.

March 21 – April 20: Selena Gomez

You do you. Sign up for classes you are genuinely interested in, not just classes you think will get you ahead. Remember, the heart wants what it wants.

April 21  May 21: Prince William

Get outside and get yo’ tan on. Gloomy weather and long days in the library studying for finals has left you looking a bit pale (and a bit older than you actually are). It’ll do you good to take a blanket and lounge on Memorial Glade.

May 22  June 21: Troy Bolton

Stay focused for the home stretch. It is very easy to let responsibilities slide in the next month and a half we have left at school. Keep your head in the game and you’ll surely ace those upcoming finals.

June 22 – July 22: Pharrell Williams

Take off the hat.

July 23 – Aug. 22: Katy Perry

YOLO. You are incredibly lucky to be in California for college and you should get out there and enjoy it. All those people who chose to go to the East Coast for college are certainly going to be jealous of all those California girls (and guys). Be sure to give them an extra sense of FOMO by posting all your fun activities on social media.

Aug. 23 Sept. 21: North West

You were born to be sassy. Own it and make sure others know just how confident you are. But don’t let your confidence get to your head.

Sept. 22 – Oct. 22: Bruno Mars

You are sexy and you should flaunt it. Take a tip from North and work what your mama gave you. Be confident and bold; you’ll be surprised by how many people notice and appreciate your change.

Oct. 23 – Nov. 21: Kim Kardashian

You will make a fashion faux pas in the near future. Unlike Bruno, try to avoid major questionable decisions (e.g. dying your hair).

Nov. 22 – Dec. 21: Paul Rudd

Your comedy will truly take you places. Bring out your humorous side in all situations (even class). Your laughter and good energy is contagious.

Dec. 22 – Jan. 20: Ron Burgundy

You have an absolutely breathtaking personality. Sixty percent of the time, your infectious personality makes people want to be around you, every time. You stay golden, you Bears.

Jan. 21 – Feb. 19: Steve Carell

If you sense a project failing, do not be afraid to quit. Your presence is important. But if you think it is time to move on, do so. Just remember, you are unique and nobody will be able to replace you.

Feb. 20 – March 20: Regis Philbin (a la Regis and Kelly)

You might be the older, lesser known member of your friend group, but you are just as important! Everybody needs a peanut butter to their jelly, a cool to their whip and a Regis to their Kelly. You keep doing you.

Contact Morrissa Berman at [email protected].

Correction(s):
A previous version of this article misspelled Steve Carell’s name.