Breaking news: Your essay was due yesterday

An inside source has talked to The Daily Clog and revealed that that essay you have was actually due yesterday. As one of the only students who attended the lecture directly after the midterm, this source was able to inform the Clog that your professor changed the due date of your essay to three weeks earlier than he initially planned because he was “unaware” he could not make assignments due during dead week.

When asked if your professor changed the due date of the assignment on his bCourses syllabus, our inside source responded, “He waved an arm toward our GSI and told him to send out an email eventually. When I tried to tell him that people in the class haven’t been receiving bCourses emails for weeks, he pointed to our GSI again and told me that the GSI would solve it. I would have said ‘us’ instead of ‘me,’ but I was the only one there.”

When asked if your professor noticed that only one student was present, the source stated, “He never looked up from his slides. He was very absorbed in his lecture.” When pressed on what he learned in lecture that day, however, our inside source could not remember. He was on his phone, he stated.

In light of this information vacuum, the Clog reached out to your GSI for more information about the grading policies for the essay. When asked about his grading schema, he said, “Every day late will be one full grade less, of course. Spelling and grammar will certainly be counted against the student — we are all in college, after all. And, obviously, in-text citations must follow MLA guidelines, or students will be penalized. I’m quite a simple grader.”

We tried to reach out to you for comment, but you were too busy crying into a pillow to respond.

Happy April Fools’ Day from the Clog!

Image sources:Tim Riley under Creative Commons.

Contact Emma Schiffer at [email protected].