Help! I’m an uninformed voter!

Michael Drummond/File

We at the Clog have decided tap into the mind of an unknowing student at UC Berkeley.

Help me, I’m an uninformed voter! Seriously, I had no idea it was election season. I had midterms, then it was spring break, and now that I’m trying to get back into the swing of things, everything has turned into a cacophony.

Wait, did I use that word correctly? Gosh, I still cringe when my GSI glares at me for misusing “irredentism” in my colonial history class? More like irrelevant-ism.

Actually, though, I thought CalSERVE was the name for the staff of the dining commons. And Student Action? Fitness wear, right? I won’t even attempt to interpret SQUELCH!.

My dad always said that voting is our civic duty, but I’m pretty sure I could lead a fulfilling life without having to vote ever.

OK, so electing senators makes sense, but what about representatives? Where is the bicameralism on which this nation was founded (terms courtesy of AP Government)? And if the senators are supposed to also be our representatives, does that mean I can call them to complain that Gmail isn’t working?

Wasn’t the whole Free Speech Movement about bringing down “the Man”? I don’t know if people with the time to run a campaign could represent real student needs.

So, if we have a regents board for all the big decisions, a chancellor for executive decisions, vice chancellors for campus life and deans for academics, where does the ASUC fit in?

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? Yes, if it’s on Sproul Plaza.

I still don’t get why people are holding posters with candidates’ faces on them. Isn’t it a little egotistical that you think if I see your face, I will want to vote for you? On the other hand, I feel a little more popular with so many people wanting to walk me to class. It is a bit annoying if I’m in a hurry, though.

No one is safe on Sproul. I think it’s a bit repressive. Man is born free, but everywhere he is forced to read Rousseau. I’m fairly certain that’s how that goes.

Alright, ASUC, I think I get you now. It is all a ploy to garner likes for yourself on Facebook. I must say that’s clever, and I kind of wish I’d thought of it first. Maybe I should run for president.

I should probably figure out where to vote first, though.

Contact Ismael Farooqui at [email protected].