Quiz: How was your spring semester at UC Berkeley?

Hannah Lee/File

Did you have a good semester? Do you trust your own ability to judge whether or not you’ve had a good semester? Do you think other people would agree that you had a good semester? Are you unsure what a good semester even is? Can we ever truly know good from bad? Fear not, we will still give you an answer to our first question and willfully ignore all else.

  1. Did you like your professors?
    1. Eh, good people. 7/10, would get a beer with.
    2. NOOO, I wouldn’t wish my worst enemy to be stuck in their office.
    3. I think my parents would like them.
    4. They light a passion in me like no other.
  2. Did they like you?
    1. I’ve shared an engaging conversation once or twice.
    2. One of them dropped me from the class halfway through.
    3. They once nodded at me on Sproul.
    4. I’ve shared a java with them more often then they’d like to tell their spouses.
  3. Are you an engineer?
    1. Nope.
    2. Duh.
    3. Is that what you want me to be?
    4. Ya, I engineer mad rhymes on Garage Band.
  4. Did you make any new friends?
    1. I’ve befriended a gentile or two.
    2. What are friends?
    3. I’ve made acquaintances.
    4. Hella friends, too many friends, an excessive number by anyone’s standards.
  5. Total quantity of tears shed in mL?
    1. 5mL
    2. The metric system can’t handle the quantities of salt-water I’ve spilt.
    3. 10 mL
    4. I made like three people cry, lol.
  6. How often have you smelled weed this semester?
    1. Like once a week.
    2. What does it smell like?
    3. Just 4/20.
    4. That’s the scent of my cologne.
  7. Was it because it was your weed?
    1. Nah.
    2. How could you?
    3. Of course not.
    4. Got me!
  8. So did you have a good semester?
    1. I don’t know.
    2. Probably not.
    3. Now that you mention it…
    4. Totes, I already knew the answer.
    1. *Golf clap* You had a quality semester. It was good and it was bad, but it ultimately was the former more often than the latter. Be proud to say you held your own this semester, even when it wasn’t perfect.
    2. Bummer dude. You had a bad semester. Redirect the conversation away from your semester at all costs, even if it is about the one good thing that happened. Take a nap and forget this semester happened.
    3. O.K., it could have been worse. You’ve had a dull semester, but it wasn’t totally bad. You should probably not talk about your mediocre semester with other people though, unless you want to make them feel better by comparison.
    4. Righteous! You had a good semester, be proud to tell your friends you had a good semester. Tell your parents too and your friend’s parents. Hell, tell your friend’s parent’s friends how good your semester was.

Contact Ismael Farooqui at [email protected].