Warning: spoilers! (obviously)
- We took the bus all the way to Emeryville for this.
- This park clearly did not do so well the first time (or the second and third). Why in the hell would they re-open it?
- Zach is really angsty and a terrible older brother.
- Wow, he’s kind of a fuckboy, too.
- “If something chases you — run.” Gee, I wonder if that’s foreshadowing.
- Did Gray just ask how heavy the island is? How did no one find that odd?
- Hey, isn’t that the guy from New Girl?!
- Huh, the front of the theme park kind of looks like a tropical version of Downtown Disney.
- CHRIS PRATT IS LIFE!
- Literally, he’s life. He just saved that guy’s life.
- The raptors’ names are Blue, Charlie, Delta and Echo. B, C, D, E … Wait, where’s the Alpha?
- Oh, endearing male lead and frustrating female lead. Will there be sexual tension?
- Of course. There it is. Hello, sexual tension.
- Hmm, genetically mutated dinosaur hybrid that ate its sibling? I wonder what could possibly go wrong!
- Can we talk about how this 8-year-old boy is constantly spitting oddly specific dinosaur statistics?
- For a movie set in Costa Rica, there appears to be a blatant lack of Costa Ricans.
- Oh, look! Capitalism!
- WAIT OH MY GOD BABY DINOSAUR PETTING ZOO *heart eyes emoji*
- Jurassic World looks hella fun! I’d definitely want to go.
- I take that back. Deadly hybrid dinosaur has escaped.
- Oh wait, no it hasn’t. GET OUT OF THE CAGE, CHRIS PRATT, RUN!
- Well, that guy’s dead. … That other guy is VERY dead.
- And deadly hybrid dinosaur has officially escaped. This is no longer fun.
- No, Zach. It’s probably not a good idea to take your little brother to the clearly RESTRICTED area.
- But of course you did. Whatever. Common sense isn’t for fiction, you know?
- Told you, dude, you shouldn’t have done it.
- Now a murderous dinosaur is playing SOCCER with the ball you two happen to be inside of.
- Are Claire’s heels made of steel? How have they lasted the whole movie?
- How has she lasted the whole movie wearing them?
- I don’t understand why people aren’t being put on evacuation votes.
- You know, we could at least try to get everyone off the island.
- Or we can just put all the warm bodies in one place while a deadly heat-sensing dinosaur is on the loose. That’s fine, too.
- Yeah, guys, I don’t think a few bullets are going to take down the giant raging dinosaur.
- Militarizing dinosaurs is a terrible idea in general, but right now maybe the raptors can save the day?
- Ohhhhh Chris Pratt is the raptors’ Alpha! Duh, he’s Star Lord.
- He already saved the galaxy. What’s one island?
- Squad goals: Chris Pratt on an ATV leading a pack of raptors.
- Owen is like the Crocodile Dundee of dinosaurs.
- Raptors, you had ONE job. Whose side are you even on?!
- Oh, crap.
- Wait, yes, raptors! Remember whom you’re loyal to! Who raised you? Who’s your real fam?!
- Oh, no, raptors. Well, you tried …
- Yes, BRING OUT THE CHALLENGER! Hello, T-Rex!
- Blue makes a comeback! The real MVP!
- TAG TEAM YEAH!
- Bye bloodthirsty hybrid freak! You are fish food now!
- T-Rex is still the queen, and all is right.
- But can we keep Chris Pratt around forever, just in case? For survival, obviously.
- Let’s not re-open this park, okay people?
- Unless we get another really good movie out of it.
Contact Rayanne Piaña at [email protected].
