Ways we’re celebrating the fact that UC Berkeley has already won two games

Kore Chan/Senior Staff

It’s still early September. The leaves aren’t yet crisp, they’re not yet cool. In Berkeley, we’re deep into one of the warmest summers in recent history (or so we believe). But lo and behold, the Cal Bears football team has already won two games.

“What?” you might ask. “The Cal Bears? The ones that represent UC Berkeley, the school I attend and love? The ones that for the past several years have been pretty horrible?”

Yes, these Cal Bears. The very same Cal Bears, who won only one game in 2013. That season-which-shall-not-be-named saw a Big Game lost by 50 points. Luckily, things have been looking up ever since that fateful season. Last year, our football team won five games, and with the record we’ve got going now, it looks like this could be a year of even more improvement.

A record this good calls for a celebration. You could get the scores of the past two games tattooed somewhere on your body, because nothing says “dedicated fan” like Oski’s face and some numbers underneath it in blue and gold ink.

You could also commit yourself to wearing only blue and gold until the next football game, which is an away game Sept. 19. If the thought of wearing UC Berkeley apparel for only four more days sounds like nothing to you, then you might be ready for the next level. Commit yourself to wearing UC Berkeley gear until the next home game, which will take place Oct. 3 against Washington State. And if this still isn’t enough of a challenge, then wear all the UC Berkeley clothing you own as long as the football team’s winning streak continues. We’re including this as the ultimate challenge because we humbly believe the streak will last through the end of the season.

If you’re 21 or over, go to your friendly neighborhood sports bar and buy everyone in the bar a round of drinks. Tell them it’s because of UC Berkeley’s stellar football record. Make sure that everyone in the bar understands that UC Berkeley has already won two games. If you’re really feeling generous, go there for the next football game. Buy a round every time the Bears score. We hope you don’t go broke, because the team will be scoring so many times.

Another great way to celebrate such a feat as winning two games in a row this early on in the season is by attaching one blue and one gold balloon to your backpack. Keep the balloons there as a stoic reminder of how much this team has accomplished. Symbolically pop first the blue balloon, then the gold one, if the Bears ever lose two games. But don’t worry, they won’t lose.

Lastly, verbally prove your dedication to the football team by starting to hype how competitive the Big Game will be this year. Talk up the team and its prospects from now until November, and they’ll have to win. Remind everyone you speak to that Bears eat Trees for breakfast, and that this is UC Berkeley’s year.

Contact Rachel Feder at [email protected].