Dining hall conversation starters and enders

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This probably should have come out sooner, but, you know, we were stuck in a long conversation. Unless you are one of the loquacious members of the Clog, chances are you just learned what a conversation is from reading this. In fact, if you were to ever manage to stumble your way into a conversation at the dining hall, you’d probably have no idea how to get out of it. Rest assured, the Clog has compiled a list of quality conversation starters for you to use at Crossroads. Since we were feeling generous in writing this, we decided to throw in some conversation enders too — aka reasonably believable lies, so you can confidently leave any conversation you entered into.

Conversation starters:

  1. Make eye contact with the person you want to talk to and say, “Hello, you look familiar!” This is our personal favorite.
  2. Smile and offer a compliment. “I love your jacket, by the way my name is ___.” So classic and so effective.
  3. Both smile and maintain eye contact, but don’t say anything. Maintain this for a minimum of ten minutes before attempting to begin conversing. It’s crazy what’s socially acceptable these days.
  4. Ask a question. For instance: “Wow, that looks good. What’s that on your plate?” Conversation should take off from there.
  5. Act like you’re already friends and thus don’t need a conversation starter. A good example would be to slam your glass down on the table and mutter, “Is your mother out of the hospital yet?”  This one never fails.

Conversation enders:

  1. Yawn and say you’re feeling sleepy, and that it’s time for a nap. It’s a great way to bid adieu.
  2. “Oh look at the time, have class in five!” This one is timeless. Well, you get the point.
  3. Collect your plates, slide them off the table and holler, “Used up!” Love this one — so succinct.
  4. Feign a call from your parent: “Sorry guys, need to take this. Lovely meeting you all.” So simple.
  5. Gather your plates and say, “Well, we should all hang out again! I need to go do a little studying now so I can figure out where and when we can meet again. I never want to be apart from you guys for more than thirty minutes at a time. Oh, don’t cry Tina. I’ll be back.” Fabulous. They’ll love you even as you walk away from them — forever.

Contact Ismael Farooqui at [email protected].