Conspiracy theories on the Stern Hall fire alarms

Sowgandhi Rayapudi/Staff

In case you didn’t hear, the girls at Stern Hall were recently victims of five fire alarms in just a few days. Apart from one mandatory alarm, the rest were unexpected and mysterious. And, of course, they all happened in the late evenings and early mornings — so everyone was home. Because we at the Clog were intrigued by these inexplicable happenings, we came up with a list of conspiracy theories to explain them.

  1. There’s a sociopath among us who enjoys the thrill of everyone being cranky.
  2. Someone just wants cool Snapchat stories.
  3. The call of midterms is making someone out there go crazy.
  4. It’s a social experiment, so stay calm.
  5. Perhaps someone can’t sleep and wants company?
  6. Someone’s anger defense mechanism is kicking in.
  7. Maybe a squirrel set it off?
  8. Someone’s tired of good ol’ quiet Stern.
  9. Maybe the system’s faulty? (just like bCourses?)
  10. Someone used candles to scent a room. (Did you not get the memo that candles aren’t allowed? Jeez.)
  11. Maybe someone tried to microwave popcorn again.
  12. The resident assistant on duty may be bored, or lonely or both.
  13. UC Berkeley scientists are trying to decipher if ear plasticity is a phenomenon by testing how high of a decibel level our ears can continually process.
  14. Ghosts.
  15. Someone’s secretly looking out for us and wants to make sure we wake up in time to study for midterms — thanks?
  16. Someone wants to see how we look with no makeup and no sunlight filter. We look beautiful, OK?
  17. But honestly, we’re still scared of the whole sociopath thing. Would that be a thing, though?
  18. Maybe, just maybe, the fire alarms are real.
  19. We’re going crazy and in reality there was no fire alarm. It’s just our imagination.
  20. It was an accident. C’mon folks, let’s cool it with the conspiracy theories already!

Contact Sowgandhi Rayapudi at [email protected].