We all know that being a college student is not always synonymous with being a responsible, successful adult. Life, after all, has a bit of a learning curve, and it takes a lot of time to catch up with it. However, it’s natural to want your parents to think the best of you, especially if they’re visiting for Parents’ Weekend on Friday and Saturday. You might not be as well adjusted as you wish you were, but they don’t need to know that, right? If you feel like your life is a mess, here are five creative and foolproof ways to fake it ’til you make it and successfully convince your family that you aren’t actually drowning in a pile of midterms and dirty laundry.
1. Don’t show them your room.
Your parents really don’t need to see your laundry pile, dirty dishes and unmade bed. If you didn’t have time to clean up after yourself, then that’s when your other roommates or floormates come in — you know, those really neat people at the end of the hall. Just pass their room off as your own! If you hide their photos and make the room tour quick enough, your parents will never know the difference. Just thank your floormates with Late Night next week and it’ll all be even.
2. Fake some midterm or paper grades.
You know that paper you just got back? You know, the one with the C+ and the “needs improvement” scrawled across the front? Yeah, your parents don’t need to see that. Print out the same paper again, hunt down a red pen, and scrawl your own comments to yourself on it. If you’re concerned about your parents recognizing the handwriting, just use cursive. After all, who actually uses cursive, right? They’ll never know it was you.
3. Hire new friends.
We’re sure your friends rock. Well, at least, we’re sure you like them. However, if you don’t think your parents will approve of your posse, just get a new one for the weekend. Make a post in the Free and For Sale Facebook group and just offer up whatever you have to give — money, meal points, badass massage skills, you name it. Just get your new crew to drop by for five minutes, make them say nice things about you and promise to give them a ride to In-N-Out later as payment.
4. Distract them.
At some point, the invasive questions such as, “How are you doing?” or “How have your classes been?” will come. If lying is difficult for you or you just want to avoid the questions all together, then Homecoming is here to rescue you. Just grab you and your family some tickets to the game. Before the game, distract them with the tailgates and rallies, and during the game, just suddenly and magically be really into football. With any luck, you can throw all of the attention off of yourself and onto the football team.
5. Become suddenly unavailable.
Oh, look at that! You seem to be coming down with something. Or maybe you just really think it’s better to get a head start on that paper due next month. Or maybe you just found out you’ve been elected as a club officer and you need to be whisked away for a weekend retreat. You know what, maybe your parents shouldn’t come up this weekend after all. If it all just feels like too much, avoid the weekend altogether. Your parents can still come up and wander around the university, but your life doesn’t have to be a part of that weekend. The ultimate solution, after all, is to avoid the problem like the healthy, well adjusted adult that you are.
Contact Kelsi Krandel at [email protected].