Quiz: how many of these animals have you seen on campus?

Ismael Farooqui/File

Berkeley: Home to more scurrying, hairy, little tricksters in the greenery than just squirrels. And if you read the Clog regularly, you are probably sick of reading about this squirrel shit anyway. Lucky for you, this quiz is here to separate the real zoologists from the people who woo wildlife just long enough to take a photo. So how many of these animals have you seen on campus?

  1. Have you ever seen any badgers on campus?
    1. Yes! I greet the early rising badger with salutations each morning.
    2. Nah.
    3. There are no badgers on campus.
  2. What about the billy goat? Surely you have seen the billy goat?
    1. Naturlich.
    2. Nein!
    3. There are also no billy goats on campus, silly.
  3. Might you have perchance spotted the porcupine in the basement of Evans Hall?
    1. Oh Phil, you mean? Never lending him coins for the vending machine again …
    2. Um, what?
    3. Do you even know what a porcupine is?
  4. Have you ever been face-to-face with the ugly owl of Wheeler 222?
    1. I tend to focus on its other qualities.
    2. Excuse me?
    3. Hey! I teach in Wheeler 222. Who the hell are you?
  5. What about the French hen that lingers outside Wheeler 222 after class?
    1. I try and smile every now and then.
    2. Is this supposed to be serious?
    3. Wow! That is clearly a thinly veiled reference to my girlfriend who teaches across the hall. What is the meaning of this?
  6. Might you have ever peered at the mammoth and its kinfolk, who lay on the Faculty Glade at 3 p.m. on Thursdays?
    1. I wouldn’t say “peered,” but I have let my eyes wander that way.
    2. I am at a loss for words.
    3. So I’m a mammoth now, just because I skipped going to the RSF the past month? And no that isn’t my sister, that’s my girlfriend! Why can’t you believe that?
  7. Have you ever located the sleeping sheep on Northside?
    1. Even an enthusiast such as I have failed at this task.
    2. Actually yeah, this is literally the only thing I have seen on this list.
    3. Seriously? You know where I live? Stop following me home. So creepy.
    1. Well now, it looks like you are quite the zoologist. You truly would make grand company on any walk amidst the tenderness of nature. May you be greeted with applause everywhere you go.
    2. Bummer. You must be lost. I hear the Food Network has some good stuff on at this time.
    3. So you’ve discovered the ploy, Professor Corinth. You are undoubtably as knowledgable as the owl, but also ugly.

Contact Ismael Farooqui at [email protected].