If UC Berkeley students could control their dreams

Willow Yang/Staff

Recently, a group of neuroscientists from Stanford and UC Berkeley discovered a way to switch dreams on and off simply by inserting a device that activates and inactivates nerves in the brain. This revelation has helped scientists better understand the neural activity that occurs in the state of being awake or asleep. Although this has not yet been tested with humans, we at the Clog have compiled a list of dreams that UC Berkeley students would love to make a reality, as well a couple nightmares that we’d like to block out permanently.

Our wildest dreams:

Getting at least one standard deviation above the average on an exam

The longer you’re a student at UC Berkeley, the more your standards lower. D’s becomes C’s, C’s become B’s and B’s are the equivalent of Christmas. As long as you score above average, the curve works in your favor — which means at least a B-!

Having infinite meal points

Your one redeeming quality as a freshman is possessing the golden ticket: meal points. Although upperclassmen hate to admit it, life is just easier when you can walk down the street and hit up Late Night.

Actually having a productive meeting with an adviser

UC Berkeley students are nervous about everything by default, so when we seek out a supposedly knowledgeable, useful source for scheduling advice, we expect to leave feeling a little calmer. But this is never the case. We’ll just keep dreaming for that day.

Raining coffee and/ or Birkenstocks

Two of the hottest commodities on campus, coffee and Birkenstocks, are a necessity for looking great and feeling great. We just wish they wouldn’t leave such a dent in our wallets.

Getting on the first treadmill you see at RSF at 6:30 p.m. on a weekday 

The RSF is always crowded, so it would truly be a miracle if we could find an open treadmill immediately, instead of having to pretend to work out on the bikes while keeping a steady eye on the treadmills.

 

Our worst nightmares:

Having to eat at Crossroads for the rest of our lives

Yes, we want infinite meal points, but no, we don’t plan on spending them at Crossroads or any dining hall for that matter. We can only eat so many Malibu burgers and pizzas.

Sleeping through an alarm and missing a midterm

Although we’re usually way too anxious for our exams for this to actually happen, we still have nightmares about it, and they still make us break out in a cold sweat. Because missing a midterm is like the world ending, but worse.

Wearing something that you think is “business casual,” but is actually “semi-formal”

There’s nothing worse than showing up at a job fair or information session in an outfit that is either too casual or too fancy. You’re either the slob with no prospects or the try-hard with a stick up your behind. Truly the stuff of nightmares.

Not being offered a business card at career fairs (sad but true)

This is the most subtle, passive-aggressive measure of academic prowess that exists. In the minds of UC Berkeley students, the business cards garnered at career fairs are pats on the back, letting us know that we made it. Without one, we are nothing.

Being waitlisted for any class, ever, even if you’re number two on the list

There is absolutely no feeling of security or comfort when we see that we’re waitlisted for a class on Telebears. Our worries become more and more extreme — if we can’t get into this class, how will we fulfill our major requirements and if we can’t do that, how will we graduate?!

Contact Carina Zhao at [email protected].