We at the Clog would confidently say that we prefer having a dog more than having a significant other (probably because we’ve only ever had the former). The saying “you don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone” rings painfully true when we think about our beloved pooches back home. Therefore, in the interest of science — and by science we mean petting as many dogs as possible — we decided to send out a squad of intrepid reporters to collect data and observations about the petting scene on Sproul. But be careful — acquiring this knowledge might mean that you’ll refuse to leave the plaza indefinitely.
Location: Sproul Plaza, on a bench close to Sather Gate
Date and time: Oct. 27 at 1 p.m.
- Sat on bench for a while writing the introduction to this article.
- Some dude is playing soccer on the plaza by himself. His motivations are a scientific mystery, but his abs and calves are really nice.
- Dog located at 1:15 p.m. Reporters swoop in on the hapless victim immediately. There is no chance of escape.
Subject 1: Callie, 4-month-old pit bull located at 1:15 p.m.
- Scare owner by yelling “WAIT” and sprinting across Sproul from 40 feet away.
- Subject is soft like a newborn baby, but like, in a dog form. She does that panting thing that makes her look like she’s smiling. Cuteness factor increases twofold.
- Subject’s chubby, baby paws make us cry tears of joy.
- We want to touch her tongue but we don’t want to weird out the owner.
Subject 2: Pigeon, the archnemesis of one of our reporters, located at 1:27 p.m.
- Not a dog, but still is hanging out close to us.
- Freaky-looking red feet.
- Try to pet subject, but it flies away. Maybe that’s a good thing — pigeons can’t be trusted.
Subject 3: Coco, 5-year-old chihuahua located at 1:32 p.m.
- Subject’s most noticeable feature is its really big eyes. It could most definitely be a glasses model.
- Subject emanates friendly and calm vibe as it leans on our knee. The situation leads to scratchies. Subject seems to enjoy it.
- Soccer guy sighted again. Why is he still here? It’s been 45 minutes. Maybe he really likes playing soccer on Sproul — you do you, buddy.
- Still playing soccer with himself. Still shirtless. Nice.
- Wait to see if he kicks the soccer ball into anyone accidentally, but it doesn’t happen.
The Clog moved to the steps of the MLK Jr. Student Union at 1:42 p.m.
Subject 4: Charlie, 8-year-old schnauzer located at 1:59 p.m.
- Subject sports a dashing silver coat and noble grandpa beard. We are instantly smitten.
- Lives on the border of Oakland and Berkeley. Enjoys eating dehydrated fruit, visiting Sproul Plaza with his owner and walking on the beach.
Subject 5: Bentley, 2-year-old yorkshire terrier located at 2:17 p.m.
- Subject wants to chase squirrels and keeps trying to run towards the trees.
- Subject’s tongue, sticking out of the side of his mouth, reminds us of America’s sweetheart, Marnie the Dog.
- Decide that subject is just as cute as Marnie and deserves a Vine channel and worldwide recognition as well.
- Immediately after petting subject, catch glimpse of small dog leaving Sproul and make a desperate bid for a new subject.
Subject 6: Sotto, 2-year-old Australian terrier located at 2:20 p.m.
- Quite literally chased owner up steps next to Sproul Hall, screaming, “Hey, wait!” Couple on bench gives us strange looks.
- Owner looks terrified and confused until we explain that we’re part of The Daily Californian, after which he just looks terrified and confused.
- Subject is initially distracted by grass, but we manage to capture her attention by making kissy noises and petting her vigorously.
- Hair is long and beautiful. Subject is promptly renamed Dog Rapunzel.
- Realize that Dog Rapunzel’s ears are huge. Dog Rapunzel is promptly re-renamed Yoda Dog, then re-re-renamed Yodog.