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If hit songs were grammatically correct

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Former Managing Editor

OCTOBER 27, 2015

In some cases, it would be weird for songs to follow the rules of grammar — especially songs within the hip-hop genre. But did Gwen Stefani really have an excuse for singing, “If I was a rich girl” when “If I were a rich girl” would have easily sufficed?

Here are some lyrics that have been rewritten to better reflect the principles of language.

  • “Hold up / We are those boys.”
  • “My anaconda doesn’t / My anaconda doesn’t / My anaconda doesn’t want any unless you’ve got buns, hun.”
  • “There isn’t any rest for the wicked / And money doesn’t grow on trees.”
  • “I’m about to strip, and I want it quickly / Can you handle me the way I am?”
  • “Bitch, whom do you love?”
  • “Whip it / Whip it well.”
  • “We run things; things don’t run us / We don’t take anything from anybody.”
  • “If your chick comes close to me / She won’t be going home where she’s supposed to be.”
  • “F is for friends who do stuff together / Y is for you and me / A is for anywhere and any time at all / Now the acronym is all messed up.”
  • Last but not least: “Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma? Everyone! Everyone ever!” *drops mic*

So, would you still listen to these songs? I sure as hell wouldn’t — except that last one, maybe. Mad respect.

Andrea Platten is the night editor. Contact her at [email protected], and follow her on Twitter @andreaplatten.

OCTOBER 27, 2015

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